Let It Play You!

Keeper of the Springs

2009-08-24T21:20:00.000+08:00

I heard this story from a pastor in my church quite a while back. There is quite a nice touch to the story and it is very real, at least to me.

Keeper of the Springs

There is a lake in the middle of some highlands, as with all sources of clean water, a town was gradually built around it. The town's people enjoyed the clear water and enjoyed the activities that they can do around the prestine lake. Many people heard about the town and its beautiful lake and travelled there for the experience.

The mayor of the town wanted the lake to remain clean, so that the town would thrive. With his council, he hiked up the many tributaries to the source of the water, a spring high up in the highlands. There he found a little hut and a man living in it, he hired the man to make sure that the spring is clean and that no one would pollute it. Everyday from then, the man walked up and down the spring clearing all the river buildups and also other rubbish that people have left behind. His actions prevented the water from being contaminated and the lake became cleaner than before. The town flourished and hotels and other tourist actractions are built around this beautiful lake for people to enjoy its water and all it has to offer.

After some years, the mayor has finished his term. The new mayor wanted to increase profit and decrease expenditure of the town, thus he reviewed the budget. There he noticed something weird, something he had never seen before, the town was paying a high salary to a "keeper of the springs". The mayor asked his council what and who is this, but as the council has also been changed over the years, no one knows. Therefore, the mayor decided to remove this cost, he fired the "keeper of the springs". For the first year, everything was alright, tourism continued to flourish, but the waters were not as clear. After the second year, the waters were murky and carried a raw pungent odor. The town lost money quickly, tourism stopped, the hotels were unoccupied.

After pondering for some time, he asked the locals what happened. They told him of the "keeper of the springs". So there and then, he climbed the highlands to the springs, the man was still living there. The mayor apologised for the great diservice he had done to the man, and offered to double his salary. The man took back his job but at the same salary and the waters were clear again.

Mud and Clay can build up in our lives even without external rubbish. What we need is the continued refreshing brought by allowing the "keeper of the springs" to clean up. However, it is not free either, we have to give him our time.

My Wishlist for Christmas

2008-12-21T21:12:00.003+08:00

When you said yesterday that it's nearly Christmas
What did I want and I thought just love me, love me, love me
That's what I want for Christmas

When I walk through a room let them see you need me
Walk through a room let them see you love me, love me, love me
That's what I want for Christmas

Anyone can wish for all the trinkets in the window
Some can even buy the things they see
But the presents that I want
You'll never find in any window
Bring me love and bring it just for me

When you come home at night
Take me in your arms and hold me
Kiss me, and say you love me, love me, oh love me
That's what I want for Christmas

Hold me
Kiss me
That's what I want for Christmas

You Were There

2008-09-11T22:37:00.001+08:00

Jesus Take The Wheel

2008-08-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

Through It All

2008-07-31T21:51:00.003+08:00

The song from the previous post is to 22nd July 2008.

Anyways, yea I am really disappointed cuz u cant make it to my Sis's wedding. Honestly, I am also quite angry at your family, cuz of the reason given. But I know this would put u at a spot, and I do mean it when i told you then, "if u have to choose, i lose", and this applies to all things, not just to the situation then.

Anyways i wanted to write a letter to u b4 u sms me this morn...but now, i think better wait til more stable first...

So sorry that u have to be put in this predicament. Everything seems to be goign insane for you. I will not be selfish and not be angry nor upset. MOre than ever, i need to be there for you. I will...be with me too

In all my human strength, i will still fail and fall, i will not be able to hold u up nor be there with you for all. but my God will carry both you & me, and He will be faithful through it all, that's y unto Him i'll sing a song.
Both our lives are so crazy now and I dun noe how much more it'll be. Let's juz hold on together, for our Lord will always provide a way out.

I love You

2008-07-31T21:49:00.001+08:00

Yeah...

The sun is shining everyday
Clouds never get in the way for you and me
I've known you just a week or two
But baby I'm so into you, can hardly breathe

And I'm in so totally wrapped up
Emotionally attracted
So physically acting
so wrecklessly i need you so desperately
Sure as the sky is blue
Baby I love you
I love you

I never knew that I could feel like this
Can hardly wait til our next kiss
You're so cool
If I'm dreaming please don't wake me up
'Cause baby I can't get enough of what you do

And I'm in so electrically charged up
kinetically acting
erratically need you
fanatically you get to me magically
Sure as the sky is blue
Baby I love you

I can't believe
That this is real
The way I feel
Baby I've gone head over heels

And I'm in so totally wrapped up
emotionally attracted
so physically acting
so recklessly I need you so desperately
Sure as the sky is blue, yeah

And I'm in so electrically charged up
Kinetically acting
Erratically need you
fanatically you get to me magically
Sure as the sky is blue
Baby I love you
Baby I love you
Do you love me too?
Baby I love you

Save The Last Dance for Me

2008-05-08T12:47:00.002+08:00

Isaiah 54:4
Fear not, for you will not be put to shame;
And do not feel humiliated, for you will not be disgraced;
But you will forget te shame of your youth,
And the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.

Isaiah 55:7
Let the Wicked forget his way And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
and let him return to the Lord, And He will have compassion on him, And to our God, For He will abundantly pardon.

Isaiah 54:7-8
"For a brief moment, I forsook you, But with great compassion I will gather you.
In an outburst of anger I hid my face from you for a moment,
But with everlasting lovingkindness I will have compassion on you",
says the Lord your Redeemer

Michael Bublé(not bubble:P)- Save the Last Dance for me(not my favourite arrangement,but the MV looks fun)

Well you can dance
Every dance with the guy
Who gives you the eye
Let him hold you tight
And you can smile
Every smile for the man
Who held your hand
'Neath the pale moonlight
But don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me

Oh I know
That the music's fine
Like sparkling wine
Go and have your fun
Laugh and sing
But while we're apart
Don't give your heart
To anyone
And don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me

Baby, don't you know I love you so
Can't you feel it when we touch
I will never, never let you go
I love you, oh so much

You can dance
Go and carry on
Till the night is gone
And it's time to go
If he asks
If you're all alone
Can he walk you home
You must tell him no
Cause don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
Save the last dance for me

Oh I know
That the music's fine
Like sparkling wine
Go and have your fun
Laugh and sing
But while we're apart
Don't give your heart
To anyone
And don't forget who's taking you home
And in whose arms you're gonna be
So darling, save the last dance for me

So don't forget who's taking you home
Or in who's arms you're gonna be
So darling save the last dance for me
Oh baby, won't you save the last dance for me
Ooh, you make a promise
That you'll save the last dance for me
Save the last dance
The very last dance
For me

Carried by the Blood of the Lamb

2008-04-16T00:30:00.002+08:00

Isaiah 46:3-4
Listen to me, O house of Jacob,
And all the remnant of the house of Israel,
You whohave been borne by Me from birth
And have carried from the womb;
Even to you old age I will be the Same,
And even to your greying years I will bear you!
I have done it, and I will carry you:
And I will bear you and deliver you

Little by little everyday,
Little by little all the way,
Jesus Is Changing me

Walking

2008-04-12T23:48:00.005+08:00

Walk with Jesus every day. Walk with Him in the light.
Called to be light and salt of the world, this is what we have to do.
What does it mean to walk?
i'm ashamed to say tat i did not know until recently.

For the previous sem, I was counselling a friend. He asked me what is it like to be a christian and walk with Christ. After telling him what seems to be the standard answer, he replied me that "Does that means that God is a crutch with whom you have to depend for the rest of your life?"
This is because i told him that it means to depend on God for each and every decision i'd make.

This poem describe my walk.

Learning to Walk
Holding Your hands, I learnt to walk.
You lift me up and You held me close.
You picked me from my crawl.
My two weak feet stood up straight
by the abundance of Your Strength.
My God, You taught me how to walk.

As I walked, I walked away.
Releasing Your hand, I did not stay.
With each step I grew confident
that my own strength would carry me on.
My two weak feet carried on.
I no longer acknowledge You as God.

Two weak feet are two weak feet,
my weight can't be carried by two weak feet.
My strength is none as I fall from high.
I tried to stand and stand on my own.
Again I fall and again I fall.
My pride before my God.

Finally I stood up with my two weak feet,
I tried to walk with my mangled feet.
My buckled knees, they would not hold.
Crumbling down, I fell and fell.
I raised my hands to You my God.
Again to You, my God I turned.

You raised me up and healed my feet.
In your presence I managed to walk.
Still Your Hand I would not hold,
Choosing to walk to and fro.
Away and near, Away and near.
I fall again my God, again I fall.

Crying out loud, “Why is it, my God,
that I fall even in Your presence”
My knees are bleeding,
My legs have broken again.
And then I saw Your outstretched hand,
My God, I am still far from You.

You lift me upon your back,
carrying me to Calvary.
Your legs are pierced,
through the pain You carried me.
For my sake my God
You, my God took the cross.

And now I know how to walk,
for my feet can never carry me far,
I hold Your hand and walk,
close to You I'd walk.
I'd grow weary but I won't fall
Jesus my Lord, You'd carry me through.

Yes, the Lord most High is not a crutch. He carries me.
The function of a crutch is to support the walker. The walker hobbles along, barely and slowly moving.

Walking with Jesus is not with a crutch. You can't die everyday to yourself, you have to die every moment.

Only recently i realised that my walk is wrong, for like in the 3rd last paragraph, i thought i was close, but i still held myself by my own strength, i still thought i'd be able to go. This is when sin comes back, when i did not put God in front. When i thought i can depend on God as a crutch. i'd still trip and fall, my legs would still crumble. i'm not that strong to use a crutch, and i can't hobble along the rest of my life.

Now i've learnt to walk, by making my God my Lord, by putting Him in front of myself, by holding His hand each step, by knowing that when i can't make it, i need to let Him carry.

Just A bit of Smooth Jazz to Chill

2008-03-17T12:28:00.002+08:00

Phillip Martin - Pride And Joy

Nick Arons

For The Love of You- Phillip Martin

Heee So Happy, Thanks for the Best, nothing else comes close

2008-03-16T01:12:00.001+08:00

Think of me Phantom of the Opera
Think of me, think of me fondly, when we've said goodbye
Remember me once in a while please promise me you'll try
When you find that once again you long to take your heart back and be free
If you ever find a moment, spare a thought for me...

We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember, stop and think of me

Think of all the things we've shared and seen
Don't think about the way things might have been...

Think of me, think of me waking, silent and resigned
Imagine me, trying too hard to put you from my mind
Recall those days. Look back on all those times. Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day when I won't think of you...

RAOUL:
Can it be? Can it be Christine? Bravo!
Long ago, it seems so long ago. How young and innocent we were.
She may not remember me, but I remember her...

CHRISTINE:
Flowers fade, the fruits of summer fade. They have their season, so do we.
But please promise me that sometimes, you will think of... me!

See Wrong Thing!!! Cause me to lose focus and feel weird..

2008-03-07T22:25:00.002+08:00

Saw something wrong today and as a result caused me to blur out for 1 hr plus. As Zhi Yang and I went for lunch, and as the Deck was too crowded, we decided to climb the stairs to eat the more expensive food of the Deck. We were talking and then I looked to Zhi Yang in respond and at the same time a girl with short skirt was descending the stairs. This caused me to avert my eyes but not before damage was done. I kena blur for the next hour.
Samantha's lecture was cancelled and she met us much later there and as I related the event to her, I was still blurred.

After which, we proceeded to do our child lang stuff. Thank God, recovered by then. Managed to spot many phonetic phenomenon of our informant. Great that at least this is on track. almost forgot all about it until I got bk home.

Down and Out for the Count.

2008-03-03T19:55:00.002+08:00

I'm down and out for the count. Feeling really miserable and weak right now, have not felt this way for a long time.My physical being is a mess right now. But oh Lord our God, Jehovah Raffa, you are my healer. I will place my being in you oh Lord.

It started this morning before NM1101E test, which I didn't study for, had a lot on my mind and got distracted, no excuse I know. Anyways, the test seem do-able.
It was weird, cuz was feeling alright in the morning when I awoke, a bit tired but otherwise alright. Was with Jian Wei, my JC fren, then i drank a can of ice lemon tea. After which, i felt like it's tat time in the morning to let loose the dogs of war. Went into the toilet, and felt like puking, the stench is unbearable. My body went down from then on.

I finish the test early, around 1120, then decided to turn it in cuz feeling funny. Met Zhi Yang btw Lt9 and 10. Went to the toilet cuz felt tummy rumbling, nothing and also felt like puking. After ZY went to his Jap tingy, stayed there to do some research and also wrote a little note for encouragement, whilst waiting for Jon.

Jon came late, but we're good. Didnt buy anything heavy for lunch, only ate watermelon and Guava. Had a long discussion about ethics and responsibility and also why we must continue to stand firm against the evil of the world.

Went to put the note and then got shocking news on SMS. Double whammy!!
Felt worried and also seriously weak due to physical reasons. Watched it rain on the bus. Slept on the MRT whilst thinking and thinking, overshot to admiralty and then sat there and watch the helicopter whirl around looking for the escapee. Haha, the children in children's church called him, "Nasi Lemak". Oh dear, haha kids say the funniest things, they are so adorable.

Went home, collapse on bed and woke at 7pm, body dehydrated and also super warm. Now, think i'll go drink some soup. Pray for me ppl, I need it.
THe Lord my God would sustain me. Hope to be well by tmr, lang and internet presentation worth 20%.

Leaping forward, Best Leap Year so far=)

2008-02-29T22:51:00.002+08:00

29th February-Something that occurs every 4 years. Heee, i'm grinning nonstop for the whole day. Had so much Fun and joy today, hehe.

Went Ice-skating with dawndawn todae, heee haha i nvr did it b4 nor have i bladed, haha sry u had to see the super klutz in me. Fell umpteen times and also hehe almost hit u a few times=P haha knocked into u once. Hee super fun and nice place. hehe u look so graceful with ur spins( a few of them at least) muahahaha. Heeee the kids there so cute and all better than me muahahahahaha.

Thanks for helping choose spectacles, haha i noe i super mafan and also not much opinion. Heee, sorry took up so much of your time. haha but if i choose, i'll choose bk my old pattern wan then not nice =P Hehe i'm horrible at getting things for myself, only good at helping others choose =P

Haha the show was also good. Although not nice the story cuz trying to b nice but not, but the company was superb. Hehe can't believe we finished the popcorn and lemon tea.=P

Heee, thanks, i thank God everyday that I have a fren in you. i noe we're both super busy and also always have funny things happening around, but Amen to what we both agree on, that God's promise and reassurance is all that we need. God Bless You my treasured(11 means treasured, haha no more reminders) friend

May the peace of the Lord be with you

2008-02-27T23:13:00.002+08:00

Drove mum to and from work today. On the way home and on the way to fetch her, I was just praying and singing praises to the Lord most high. My heart was filled with peace and also rejoicing. Didnt notice the joy initially, but the peace was obvious cuz somehow even though there were a lot of dangerous encounters by motorist who are obviously in a rush, i was totally oblivious to them, i just cared about worshipping my God, who in honouring Him, kept me safe and at peace.

Went for Prayer meeting in church today,(fri cell cancelled for this). On the way there, was worshipping and preparing my heart. Great fantastic time. Again peace and joy, some thoughts came to distract me, but my God will protect me and He kept my focus on Him, the most high. In church, great time of worshipping again. Tongues flowed melodiously and beautifully, my feet were dancing and my hands painting marvels of splendor to my God. I didnt even realise i moved quite a seat away.
Next, when we got down to prayer for specific ministry and development in the church, again the favour of the Lord was upon me. I didn'tt know wat to pray, but i just started praying in the spirit, then His words filled my lips. I was surprised at how God filled me with all the right words.

Contrary to how most people view praying in the spirit, it is not just for personal edification. In the Bible, it is written that other than personal edification, it is used to speak of wonderful things, prophesy and also spiritual warfare. When we pray with our physical mouths, we pray of things we know or are concerned for. When we pray with our spirit, we pray for so much more. The Holy Spirit knows Godly things and when we pray in the spirit, our spirit and the Holy spirit are interceding for us and others around. We may not know what to pray, but the Holy Spirit would and would fill us with the wisdom and knowledge of what to pray. More specifically, you will pray for specific things in a person's life. ie. after a while of praying in the spirit, the Holy Spirit would fill u with wisdom and then u would pray in physical tongues about a specific area to bless others and yourself. We pray in the spirit for things we do not see. That is why it is Faith and that is why things happen that would marvel us beyond anything we have ever seen.

May the peace of the Lord be with you.

Pipe Dreams

2008-02-27T09:46:00.002+08:00

Yesterday, All my troubles seem so far away... Just Kidding. Went to sch yest to do proj, didnt settle much stuff for either. Came up with lotsa funny stuff with my CHild Lang Grp, they decided to come my place then to Ps's place later tmr to "play" with his kid.

Was super blur yesterday, low blood sugar I think, resolved liao. Was a bitz faint b4 i went sch. So blurblur 1 day past, haa was on way home frm Vivo then funny thing happened. Got off at Dhobi Ghaut then supposed to go NE line, but i sat down on the chair to pray and rest, then dun noe y i zoned out then when the train came, i waanted to board it only to realise tat it's headed bk to Vivo. After which walked to NE line and took the rite train. Fell asleep and slept all the way back, I think my knees kept knocking against the leg of the lady sitting beside. Yeps i was tat poofed, and nope i was not trying to be a chee ko peh.

Whole family was out at nitez, so spent the time watching TV alone and drinking HOt Chocolate to up my sugar level(i dun have much reserves u c) After family came bk, while i was reading Bible, Mum complained of weird noise in her toilet. I went to check then locate noise as pipe in sink leaking badly. Strange tat there was no valve there(cuz dad usually make sure everyting shiptight), anyways have to switch off the mains. Then proceeded to tape the pipe first, then mum realised got 1 sink we no use, then i decided to replace the pipe with tat. Tools used--Monkey Plyer, Adjustable Spanner(aka Monkey Wrench). Haha everything Monkey Bleah=P. Forgot to turn off valve of spare sink in my toilet b4 oning the mains, so me toilet flooded, mum noticed(i was in her toilet, my toilet is near the mains but far frm mum's)off mains, i go check then off valve then on mains. 1x Victory over plumbing.

Anyways Thank God everything repaired liao. Yepsie. Oh and my pipe dreams here have nth to do with impossible lofty dreams=P i do have 1 lar but none of ur business=P

Flush It All Out

2008-02-26T00:19:00.002+08:00

It's time to rejoice and know that God is good. I'm learning more and more to juz give thanks for all that happen and also to just depend on God. When temptations and other nonsense come, time to stop and pray. As my father would say,"flush them all out with your tongues, for God would provide" Yeps, for those who have not received the baptism of the Holy Spirit, can also flush out by reading the Bible and Praying, which is also what i'm doing.=) "Resist the devil and he shall flee from you"

Today was another productive day. Read 2 readings for lang and internet, although these are for my project. Swept the floor, walked the dog, vacuumed the rug, rummaged through my NS stuff, cleaned fan, cooked dinner. Haha my mum and sis were super touched by me cooking dinner, although only 1 dish and rice cuz got leftovers, cuz i didnt eat. REally thank God for a chance to serve them. Hee i though i burnt 1 leaf of a vegetable(left it too near the side of the wok), but apparently not in the dish. Sis enjoyed it cuz i used very little oil and max taste and Mum finished everything, haha she always does when i cook, which is quite rare, cuz when got 4 chefs in the house, i dun fite with the rest to cook =P

Tmr gonna go school for 2x project meetings, hope i not burnt out by then. Hehe i know my God would sustain me through.

Oh muz remember to wash toilet too, getting a bit icky in there.

Wellz til the next post, God Bless =)

Day 1 of the rest of my life

2008-02-24T22:33:00.006+08:00

Hmmz, realised that I've got no more stories to tell, maybe this writer's block would mean this blog's death(oh my haha super bad rhyming again, i'm so addicted to doing this)=P

Okok, enuff lame jokes. Anyways, i guess that i'm too caught up with everything that i think i am deaf. Everybody is screaming and shouting, even myself, that it is so hard to listen to God's voice, which comes as a whisper and yet to all who seek Him, it is the most distinct. Maybe i've juz lost all sight of the cross.

Went to church today at 11am for the 2nd service, got 'kicked out' of chldren's church. Sister Lee Noi asked me to attend 2nd service instead, cuz i missed first service as i was giving stupid excuses to sleep in. came home early last nite, so no excuse. The service was good, the songs were old but good, the sermon was good, but sumting is missing. I juz dun sense the presense of God, i mean i do feel good, there is the nice tingling feeling u get when u worship, but my heart is distant. Am i juz putting on a facade? where is my heart?

For MINDS, yesterday was quite ok. Wow! His(can't put trainee's name) place was like wow. It was even featured in the newspaper before. They have a big pond, many herbs and beautiful paintings. His dad is amazing, painted beautiful paintings, he planted many herbs in tat garden, and even designed the irrigation around the house, the watering all use rainwater wan, and the pond also auto change water, again using rain water. The house designed to be cool and max lightting. I really got eye dun noe tai mountain(wanted to say tarzan). Heee, he(my trainee) prepared the french beans and some of the food.

After which, we went to mycofarm mushroom farm. Uhm nothing much to do there, but good thing i only plan 1 hr. The good news is that i got everyone up the bus in 5 min, (although a little trickery involved, not really intended though) the bad news is i left 1 volunteer behind. Again telling me The best laid plans of mice and men, i really havta learn to pray more and depend on God more.

There was a lot of happy things going on yesterday also, lots of nice sms, haha my sms super high with these nice sms-es. Heee, we've been smsing so much=P no money liao=P Hmmz, but i still need to stop and get bk my direction first. I dun wanna cause U these pains again, so i really have to take this time to juz be still and pray. Glad we settled things on friday, cuz when i saw U in class with those eyes, my heart broke. Then i knew for sure what a jerk i am.
i'd been giving in to all sorts of temptations, anger, jealousy, lust, hatred. Lies are still being constructed, and i'm almost getting tricked still. Still highly immature and highly insensitive to the things of the spirit. Still selfish and ego. that's y i need to get things right with God now. I dun noe how long i'll take, even after this days, after the break, i may still withdraw to just get things right with God first.

Hmmz, cant seem to get silence with everybody juz shouting and shouting. Dad is away, mum is lonely so would keep finding us to talk, but sum times, i juz need sum silence, i noe isuper unfillial in tat sense, but i cannot keep listening always.

Work is all piled up, i'm ready to be buried 6 feet under with assignments.

All the more, I need to find back what i've lost, I need my God more with each new day, and i hope i'll learn to depend on Him.=)

Anyways, i dun noe how things would be, i dun noe what i have now, i dun even noe what is happening in the present cuz i super blur. What i do noe is tat God noes, and He will never let us down. As for me, i have to learn to throw away those lies and lust and jealousy and hatred the devil has planted in me. i also have to release the past. I noe i've been super hard on u and tat things have also been super hard for u. I wun promise u i'd always be here, cuz tat's wat the hot water bottle and the cd is for(KIDDING). Nar, i meant i dun like to promise things(haha tat's y u dun hear me promising much=P), i dun even like to say things for the future, juz let my actions say all and sit back knowing that through it all our God is in control. I need our GOd cuz i'd only make things spin outta ctrl, haha i wanna spin in control.

Have decided to use this cuz louder Piano.=) I need to be Still.

Hope all is well with you=)
Cya this friday=)

亲爱的，那不是爱情

2008-02-20T20:58:00.002+08:00

For some strange reason i keep hearing this song play in my head.
张韶涵 - 亲爱的，那不是爱情 MTV

Yeps nice song composed by 周杰倫.

Happy Valentine's Day

2008-02-14T09:12:00.004+08:00

I love this song, especiallyy the Chet Baker in 87 wan. But sumhow Youtube removed all Chet Baker's stuff due to copyright and then this is the only stuff ican find, and a link to chet baker's rendition.

My Funny Valentine

Muahahahahahaha...dedicated to all those lovers out there.

http://dutchwatch.multiply.com/video/item/11/Chet_Baker_in_Tokyo_87_-_My_Funny_Valentine

Keeping the Pace, carried by the Living God

2008-01-31T22:49:00.001+08:00

Been really up to my neck in work this days. So much so that I really am neglecting my studies. But I wouldn't say that I am beaten, for the Lord my God sustains me and keeps me.

He protects me from temptation and protects me from myself. Anger subsides within seconds and peace fills my heart.

This Sem is gonna be a hectic sem, with all Mods having project. Also, will try for application to as many opportunities as I can find if there is a space and I'm not too busy.

NVAC stuff and MINDS Stuff. I dun like to do NVAC stuff unless it benefits MINDS, been doing lotsa NVAC stuff recently. I love doing things for MINDS even though it is super tiring. I hope that I'd be able to spend more time with my kid though, cuz being PD means I have to neglect my kid now and then. But Thank God I still have plenty of time with him still. Heee the recent Dragon Kiln experience was extremely rewarding and worth all the headaces. Truly all Glory belongs to the Father who makes all things good for those who love him.

I know the road ahead isn't paved with jewels and my bed of roses is far behind. Strangely, I am not plagued with matters of the heart this sem, in fact I feel very blessed. The Peace grows and I know God will continue to fill my spirit.

Was worried about V day and what it might do to me, but I know that my God will fill me with peace. CNY will also be a tiring event cuz of planning for MINDS, I know that My God will make it wonderful fo my children. I love them and He loves them even more. I pray that each day He will fill me with more love to overflow and bless these children.

Got blessed me with 12 names on the calling list today. Was 2 in the aftnn after lunch, was praying desperately and then the peace came and I no longer worry about it. This is not the first time, God has been really amazing and awesome.

My favourite verse comes to mind all the time, "Though outwardly we are wasting away, inwardly we are being renewed everyday."

I may fall behind at times, My God does not push me, He carries me up and fills me.
That's how I know that I serve the Living God.

Too Abstract!!

2008-01-28T20:38:00.001+08:00

I just got rejected from The Ridge. They say my article too abstract. SO decided to publish it anyways HERE!!! Muahahhahaahahah. Eh the topic is dey choose wan.

Apathy
Dragging my feet from day to day, trying my best to survive from dawn to dusk, after which I would go home to prop my feet in front of the TV. A slave to routine, my life seems meaningless. Searching for meaning, I punctuate each week by going out with friends to chew some fat or to paint the town red. Weeks and then years past, my futile effort to find myself brings me to a point of melancholy where life fills me with ennui and languor.

Isn't this a dreadful picture? Wouldn't you want to steer clear of such a life? However, this is the life that everyone in Singapore is living, especially most Graduates. We'd work day to day in a job that would grant us no satisfaction just because we are able to pay the bills. Right now, we would say that this is untrue and we'd be disgusted at such a suggestion, but if we don't do something, this would be our reality.

Singaporeans have been commented on being apathetic. Do we truly don't care about issues or is there a deeper problem? I see apathy as the lack of emotions, not just the “bochap-ness” of issues. Apathy is a real problem that would fill us with languidness and blight our very being. We would all lose the passion to change our situation and then we'd be all caught up in a vicious cycle of dread.

Why has this poison been so effective? In our meritocratic society, where second chance is as rare as diamonds, people are afraid of failure. We do not dare to step out of our comfort circle to risk it all. We fear anything that is uncertain and as such we do not dare to care for others. Our self-centered nature forces us to close up. As such, we are unable to grow. The critical nature of society also discourages us as we do not live up to the standard of the world. We constantly try to keep up with the standards that others place upon us that we neglect ourselves. The venom is fast-acting and acts as to cripple us. We become terrified and fear to do the right things. Afraid to be touched and also to touch others, we lose ourselves.

We are not without hope, there is a panacea available for such malaise. However, we must be brave enough to take it. Only by learning to break this cycle can we truly be vaccinated. We must learn to experience joy and in abundance. We do not get joy by being the same as everyone. It is only derived from being ourselves. Learn to take that step of risk. Learn to touch others around you. Do not let the world make you another victim of apathy.

Thankful

2008-01-14T16:43:00.000+08:00

Thank God for everything. Thank God for opening my eyes.

Many times in our lives, we fail to see the goodness of God in our lives. We become blinded by everything that the world, our flesh and the devil place before God.
In our christian walk, we always place everything before God. God has just become a convenient God. We place sin, pleasure and laziness before our Lord.

I'm saying all these because obviousy I'm guilty of it all and more. Sin will cloud our vision of God and would make us feel that we are distant from His Goodness.

Lots of things happen in my life.These things have caused me to be blinded. They make me fail to see what is important and cause me to lose the passion that once sparked me.

I feel that, for some time now, I had lost my passion for MINDS. Especially ever since I took up the role of PD. My volunteering experience has diminished. I think it started when I was switched from a younger 10 yr old trainee to a older 20 yr old one. In the beginning, it was ok as I just spent the time playing with him. Then I realised that it is not what I want.

I don't want to spend my time volunteering playing, i want to make a difference.( notice here that it is all I,i,i.) As weeks go by, I made a plan to teach new stuff to him. There are a few social skills and life skills I need to teach him. So i tried.

However, it was very difficult as I kept relying on my own strength. He would know it for a week and then forget the next. I felt as if he was playing me along. I saw that he was only interested in playing and seem to be toying with me. So I got kinda disappointed.

Nopes, I did not fall to anger and scold him. Even when he plays, there is no limit, and he hurt me physically or somebody else, thank God that he keeps my anger in check.

I got very melacholic about going to sessions as it has been spent scolding him firmly, not angrily. That is not why I volunteer, I don't want to spend my time scolding. Even though, I admit initially i couldn't, but I learnt from seniors. I really respect my seniors who can be so firm with their trainees and yet never lose their drive. They know what is good and seem to be able to persevere in order that their trainees get something good out of it.

All these just remind me about my relationship with God. He has always persevered, as He knows what is good for me. Even though I am a horrible christian, He never loses his cool nor his patience. His drive continues as He knows He is molding me. For this, i am Thankful. I hope that I'd be able to be guided by God's love to act accordingly for my sessions.

I want to learn to be like my cell leader's wife, always thankful everyday.

Say It with Music

2008-01-07T00:51:00.000+08:00

Added this song on my playlist, removed the Xmas songs and added the vid for this song too. Sweet Dreams of ME, Juz as I have sweet dreams=)!!
Selena-Dreaming Of You

The Songs says it all.

2007-12-28T11:52:00.000+08:00

Darren Hayes-I Miss You

S Club 7- I Really Miss You

Saxophone

2007-12-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

I wanna play like them

Saori Yano-"I got Rhythm"

I wanna play on the street too and have lotsa fun.
Nick Arons

Amazing Grace How can It Be

2007-12-20T23:42:00.000+08:00

I just got baptised today. Hallelujah!!
Actually, I've been attending church for the past 13+ years. So this is actually long overdue.
God has really been faithful and wonderful to me although I really don't deserve it. I'm not your ideal christian. In fact, I'm quite sad that most people would not recognise me as one until I say so. My frens say that it is because I don't act like most other Christians and not because I am a bad person or something like that.
Wellz, anyways just wanted to give my testimony of my baptism as what I said then.
God has really been amazing this week. For Minds Camp, and especially IGNITE Camp. Thanks Geraldine for inviting me. Haha I admit when you first invited me I was a bitz taken aback, but it's a real blessing to have a sister-in-Christ like you.
The testimony for the camp would not be written here as some people may take offense due to things being really spiritual. But I would tell it to all who want to hear.=)

Wellz, Back to my baptism testimony. I really have not been a good christian. Yes, I have been saved many years ago, but it is not reflected in my life at all. How can it be that my actions do not match what I believe. I have been horrible to people around me, especially to my family. I am quite ashame that I have persecuted my father in his work. He is a man after God's heart and has been serving actively for 12 years. I did not make the effort to understand him and also understand God's purpose, choosing to focus only on myself and comparing my self with others around me. My christian life has been really hypocritical, filled with lies and deception. I put people down in order to glorify myself. In times of triumph, I fail to see God. In times of failure, I also fail to see God. Only choosing to follow my own selfish fleshly desires. I abuse people around me.

Also, I have been lowering my standards. I have compromised on many of my stands in the army. I chose to believe in Lies and created my own lies. I stoppped worshipping God and cease to go to church.

However, God has always been faithful and true. He is always there even when I am not seeking him. Through the toughest days in army, through the many trials and tribulation, he has never left me. He is always there supporting me and calling me back to his heart. Through my army days, I lived a life of difference, I was joyful despite circumstances.

After army, that is when I noticed the difference in my life. God spoke to me to examine My life and my thoughts. There were many ups and downs after that. In NUS, I had many personal struggles. Although I was starting to return to God, I was always discouraged by things happening around and to me. I fail to see God in my life, I choose not to see his wonders and I create my own lies around me. The devil comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He has been really successful in hindering my relationship with God. Through many evil thoughts and wicked desires, I slowly hardened my heart too. That is another reason why I didn't get baptised last year nor last May. Too manythings have happened that made me shut my eyes to God. Too many hurts and pain.

Even for this baptism, satan did not spare me. he attacked me with all sorts of evil thoughts. I almost did not want to go through this baptism. But Thank God for his divine will. Thank God for him showing his might in Minds Camp and Ignite camp. Thank God for his wonderful will. It is His will that I go for Ignite camp and experience the wonders of his hands once again. Thank God for being so true and real. Thank God for touching my heart and filling me with his holy spirit. Thank God for showering me with his marvellous love though I don't deserve it. Thank God for fighting the devil for me. Thank God for helping me make the choice that I WILL SERVE THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, WHO WAS AND IS AND IS YET TO COME. AMEN!! HALLELUJAH!

Though I know that things are only going to get more difficult with my walk with God, I know that i can do it as He would never leave me nor forsake me. I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!!!

Philophobia part 2

2007-12-07T18:17:00.000+08:00

How much do you know the people you talk to? How much do you know your friends and loved ones? How much do you know the one you love?

Often we know when something is wrong, but know not why it is. We always keep silent for fear of hurting each other or causing each other awkwardness.
I find that like every guy, i am super insensitive. often not making the effort to truly understand impt ppl ard me. I dun seem to know them well and as a result hurt them so again and again. i can't give them what they need nor what they want. And then i cause so much pain. so much misery and stress ensues all because i nvr shower the care and love they need.

Eh realise that my writing is getting worse and worse, probably due to a lack of practice.

Philophobia part 2
The lift door shuts and encapsules the couple within. Face to face, and yet no words were spoken. Gazing upon the both of them makes you wonder what has happened in happily ever after. This couple was once the most lovey-dovey people around. Their presense and actions would have filled the world with a warmth that incubates the people within giving them a sense of comfort. What has happened in their world indeed.

There were no quarrels, and there were no fights. Guy works from 9-5 and girl works from 9-5. He would wait for her earnestly at her workplace just to make sure that she is safe and also to enjoy her company. They would talk for no end as they are amongst the most affable people alive. What is really strange here is that the more they talk, the more they drift apart.

There was a period when the guy had to go abroad on assignment. They would call each other daily and fill each other with all sorts of sweet nothings. Their words, though simple, kept them close and causes a longing that can only be satiated by the presence of their better half. Truly absence makes the heart grow fonder. Spending hours on end talking about nothing at all, they grew so close together that they decided to make the most of their courtship. That is when they sealed each other's heart with a ring.

Years into the marriage, they talk to each other daily. The conversation got more and more serious, often concerning financial matters. They no longer talk about each other and their love divine. They speak of things they want to do and have. Their actions no longer match those of their words. They would say one thing and do another. Keeping the pain within, they close each other's heart. For the fear of hurting the one precious in them, they plunge the knife deeper, cutting them even more so. Silence followed and their loved ones eventually stopped guessing. Their intentions, though good, only serve to cause the other to be irate.

One day, they quarreled. It was the biggest fight ever. Both guy and girl burst open like a dam beyond its containment. Loud verbal abuse threatened the fabrics of their marriage which were already non-existent. All the hurts from the years were released, and then they both made up. They never felt more alive and more loved than that time in which they told each other th truth.

However, that feeling was only short-lived. After that day, they talk more and more. Conversations would be of each other and such, but it is strange that with each word spoken they grew more and more apart. They felt that they no longer knew each other. They did not assault each other with horrible words, but because of their care, they spoke with care. Each sentence explaining their behavior only serve to cause the big continental drift. Worlds apart and now even more so, they were talking to strangers in their houses.

The lift door shuts again, forcing the people within to be so close and yet so far. Strangers who have knew each other their entire lives, and yet know nothing of each other. They could predict each other's actions and when each other is down. Yet, they know not who each other is.

Philophobia Part 1

2007-12-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

Yay the hols are here finally. Gonna be busy for some time though, haha.

Went back for reservice briefing today. Super awkward. Everybody wore smart-4 while i was all adorned in CV. stuck out like a sore thumb. Really miss my army life, i really enjoyed it. I know the army does not match my old romantic honour and valor image of it, but i really enjoyed it. Of cuz, it would have been better if no for some officers spoiling my nice little fantasy. Yeps, my unit was runned by specs and everything was done by specs, even planning and welfare for man. We became "Marias" babysitting overgrown toddlers with chocolate bars. (Eh I dun generalise and hate all this people. There are many out there who deserve our respect and are really gallant. Just that the outliers came to my unit in the 2nd half)

Okok! no more griping about horrible chocolate bars.

Yea! Really missed the guys that braved fire and water with me. I miss those days when we'd slave through the nite just to see our steeds roar like thunder. The days where we'd be soaking wet in the unearthly hours of the morning just to clean our mounts.

One thing i always wondered is why my fellow soldiers always seek my advice and opinion. Today, they asked me for my input again, so i question them. One said that i was always decisive. my TS grp in this sem also commented that wanted me to direct as i know what i want, or at least that's how i appear to them. Really?? i didn't know i tat zhai. mUAHAHHAA BHB MOMENT.

Yar but today super funny. I got lost umpteen times. First was when my fren asked me for directions whilst driving, i was his VC(!?!) I gave him the wrong directions and we had to detour. HAHA, he said he trusted me cuz i nvr holland b4 in army and was TOPO zhai, able to find myself and others and our way always. Muahahhaa, sorry faith misplaced.
After that, was suppose to meet Geraldine(from my TS grp not RAG) as she invited me to a movie screening session at her church-mates place.(turned out he was my NS fren, Thank GOd he rembr me but not my horrible ways) Yea, i was about to alight, cuz i tot that was the stop, then after i was lost in thoughts again. I missed the actual stop by 10+ stops, Thank God Geraldine called to ask me where I was.
Yea been super lost in thoughts lately. I told her i dun usually get lost wan, but hard to convince her since first time i meet her i lost liao.

As i was going home, i went to the wrong floor. I thought i was correct but again lost in thoughts. Until when i went to the stairs then felt that the appartments looked strange. Then i walked up and saw wrong floor.
Ya triple whammy.

Oh added two Xmas songs juz for this Dec period. Will remove it after some time.

Ok! Here's the story promised. Eh, Just to let u all know. I dun condone pre-marital sex. I hate guys who do it, esp those who boast. Girls i can forgive, but not guys, i hate those scumbags a lot, and no matter what crap they give me, i can't find it in my heart to accept them. It's cuz of the way society is that's y i can't forgive them all the more. Also, for the girl, it's something she gives and loses, for the guy, nothing is lost.
THis story is juz i wanted to write sumting in the philophobia theme and also trying new writing style. Hope you enjoy it. Eh though I hate guys who do this stuff, i hope i dun influence u to do the same, cuz i am judging them and that is wrong.

Philophobia Part1
“I love you a lot, and I would do so forever and would do anything for you.”
Words, they mean everything to you and yet none to the person who said them. When this words were spoken, everything else did not matter and the world just stopped its revolution just for the receiving person. At least this was what Tan felt when it happened. She couldn't care about anything and gave everything to him.

“I'd be there for you. I'd look after you. I only want to be with you forever. I'd hold your hand and comfort you.”
Vicious tongues spew their venom as accusing fingers wag nonstop, pointing at Tan as she walked by with a growing belly. She felt ashame of it all and even more so that she had been used as such. She thought he loved her and would be there for her, but in the end, he only wanted her body. Another trophy, another laurel, another notch on the belt. That's what she was to him, just a piece of meat for his hungry ego.

“You know I'd never leave you. You are the only girl that matters.”
That blue vein stared right into her eyes, she contemplated breaking and letting her shame and misery flow away. She wanted then to just let it all was away into a pretty crimson. Her pain and her sorrows broken in that vein, no longer would they bother her as long as that vein is slit. A razor-blade she held in her hand as she contemplated the most romantic and beautiful end to her life and the new life she gained. She wanted to protect this life in her from a life of shame and suffering. With the end of it, never would it face abandonment, nor would it have been deluded to feel that love is so beautiful only to have this illusion vaporise.

“I'd take care of the baby and you. We'd be one big happy family. We'd be complete. Be strong!”
So weak she felt, so weak that she couldn't even have the courage to stand up and put an end to her life. Months has passed since that day she looked at the blue string of fluids running down her hand. The life in her has taken form and is continuously growing. Though she felt too afraid to put an end to her life, she again felt a need to protect this life from the horrible world. The methods are various, ranging from using a scalpel to scrape her inwards and flushing it out later, to using a vacuum much like how you'd clean your carpet. All these information tempted her so, as she looked at the website for the termination of new life.

“If you love me, we'd do it. And just to prove to you how much I love you, I won't use any protection. I want to have a baby with you.”
Again, Tan felt really despondent. She couldn't bear to end the life in her. She also couldn't have the strength to bring it into the world. She don't know what to do. Loathing the growing monstrosity that seems to sprout, she hated it and she hated herself. Tears of anger stream down her cheeks as she thought of all that had happened. Family and friends that would have supported her in this time of need have all been turned away as she couldn't face them. She is now living in a room she had rented with her savings from her holiday vocations. This money which was once for her future is now spent with hatred for a different future. As she was still of studying age, she did not have much. The squalid conditions did not do much to prevent that internal infliction of anger.

“I love you more than anything in the world.”
Her time was due. As she did not terminate her life nor the life in her, the life grew and suddenly caused her much abdominal distress. She fainted from the pain and water flow right out of her clothes like a river that has broken a dam.

The next thing she knew, she was at the hospital with family alongside her bed. In her father's arms was a baby wrapped in towels. Her parents chided her for her silliness for running away. They did not even raise their voice nor say spiteful words. His father brought her the baby, and she looked into those shimmering stars and cried. This was the most beautiful miracle indeed.

Faster than the Wind

2007-11-28T16:59:00.000+08:00

This is dedicated in remembrance of those who lost their lives in the cambodian dragon boat incident. i may not know any of them, but i do have some friends who have lost their loved ones. i was a canoeist in my JC days, so i know what it's like to be a rower. Many says that it is the pride and the prestige associated with being the fittest people in school. They say that we want to how lian our bulging muscles and extreme physique.
What do we row for? Do we row to win medals? Do we row to show off? I don't think so!! We row to get that extreme exhilaration that comes when the salty spray trickles upon your face. We row to conquer the waves that threaten to slow and scuttle our boats. We row to be faster than the wind.
Reading the newspaper, there was this one person who had "as of yesterday, nothing more was known about him."
i really wonder what does this mean?
Every living person leaves footsteps in everyone's life. As dragon boat is really a passionate team-sport, I'm sure he made a huge impact on the lives of all he touched. There would be family and friends who would have already missed this child of God badly. People whose lives he has changed would wonder what the absense in their life now is.
The rest of the world may have moved on in their lives, these lost lives are but another headlines that once was, but to those who have lost someone dear, this poem is for you and them.

Faster than the Wind
The Waves rise and the winds roar,
The paddles dived down and in circles they go.
Soaring through the currents
and speeding down the river.
All we want is to be faster than the wind.

Pumping iron day and night,
Countless chin-ups on the bar
Our calloused hands and sweaty brows,
gripping on to a dream so far.
All we want is to be faster than the wind.

The horn screeched and the race begins,
insane clashes of paddle and sea.
Again the wind blows in our face,
Again the same old salty spray.
All we want is to be faster than the wind.

Imsomnia

2007-11-25T02:34:00.000+08:00

ARGH!!!!! Havn't been able to sleep for the past few nights. Always can't seem to get comfortable. Uhm dun wry it's not cuz I'm upset or anything..
This is getting a bit jialat considering that Monday my first paper would be in the morn. And also I have 2 papers on Monday. If I can't correct this by today, wellz que sara sara.
Been studying TS all week, finish reading Martin Eslin, but juz lightly touched the notes. Uhm dun really know if I am prepared, i seem to cover so little and know so little too. Can't seem to focus, partly due to the lack of proper sleep. Uhm this is not exam stress, cuz i dun get exam stress wan. Nonono, It's not becuz i know my stuff or i am prepared, juz tat i dun get exam stress cuz i dun really stress easily. Yeps not cuz i zhai, but cuz i'm weird.
Wellz lying on my bed, all is still, haha i play lotsa sudoku while lying stilll waiting for the sandman. So my mind is occupied, and yet so much stuff float by. Past, present and future. What is my path and what have i been walking so far?
Tomorrow would have an interview for children's church, yeps been helping out for close to 4 mths now, so would see where i can be allocated.
Minds- main focus now on camp, can't get venue so far and failed to get letter from the school also. Haiz, my efficiency as PD is super low lor, can't get things going. So far, all my ideas are not implemented yet. Hope that they would go well once the exam break over.
Been worrying lots about someone. Have not seen her for some time, and really really miss her. Dun noe if she is doing well. Though she assures me so, I still can't shake the nagging feeling that she is not. yups, juz a nagging feeling that she is unwell. Most of the time, this feelings are spot-on and it really really freaks me out. Wellz, can't do anything but pray. Yeps been praying lots for her. But really hope that i would know what's on with her life. Haha i quite pathetic rite!
Things have been going really really well for me this week. I know it is truly by God's grace as i dun deserve any of it. Truly not by my works, but by grace. However, though i am grateful for his providence, I still am not really happy. I worry too much I think. Strange that i would worry for someone else more than myself. Haha, i know guys in NS would say that seow-on Ah Boey Tou Hao Le Mei(Head ok already) was already like tat, but that was juz i dun wanna leave anyone behind.

Hope all would be well and i would be able to sleep. Gotta shake this weird feeling and stop worrying. Needa start worrying about myself, haha why i so weird dun worry about self worry about others. Love this song, Rachel Stevens in S Club 7. Haha she looks so good Muahahaha(Hum Sup me mooning over pretty girl again, hehe regular skirt chaser, chao Buaya[smelly alligator]). OkOk gonna try sleep again. OooooH!My dog dreaming, heard him make weird noises again. Kk Nitez all! Muz catch 40 winks!!
S Club 7- I Really Miss You

Fast Cars, Fancy Women

2007-11-23T02:41:00.000+08:00

The More Loving One by W.H. Auden
Looking up at the stars, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We have to dread them from man or beast.

How should we like it were stars to burn
With a passion for us we could not return
If equal affections cannot be,
Let the more loving one be me.

Admirer as I think I am
Of Stars that do not give a damn
I cannot, now I see them, say
I missed one terribly one day.

Were all the stars to disappear or die,
I should learn to look at an empty sky
And feel its total dark sublime,
Though this might take me a little time.

Cheong stuck this onto Stella's locker. This was a play i just did, "Fast cars, Fancy women". Interesting faustian tale. Uhm, ya in case u were wondering, I played Eddie Goodtime, the devil's advocate. Apparently, I was the unanimous pick to be the evil dude. Yeps!!

Wellz, wat happened at the end of act 1 is that stella avoided cheong and smashed his bdae gifts. There was a moment of connection between them before, when both were reading the little prince. A look on the little prince, uhm 1 part about the rose. The prince loved the rose, but the rose lied to him and as such the prince couldn't find it in his heart to shower her with the affections he did before. Stella avoided cheong due to the materialistic values incorporated into her by her friends and her mum. After a while, the friendship they had soured, as Stella felt his presense annoying. Cheong juz took the pain alone and juz "died".

In act 2, Cheong came bk rich and successful. Stella had a couple of failed relationships due to her searching for the wrong men. She wants a men with a fast car.
Cheong, being successful and rich, courted Stella and they were happily married. Or so it seems. Cheong engaged the help of "Eddie Goodtime"(The Devil), selling cheong's time to achieve his goal, which is to win stella.

The end is kinda sad... Nopez, they did not end in divorce, it was much worst. They were still together and yet so distant. Stella didn't get any love. Cheong was no longer the romantic which he was in act 1. He only cared about money. Stella got her fast car and cheong got his fancy women. But Who is really happy?

It's kinda sad to see how love dies. In the newspaper a few days back, Sumiko Tan was commenting on the rising divorce rates, how love died.
Yeps, both muz make an effort to keep the passion going. When one gives more than the other, it is still alright. But not when either feels he or she gives more or the other party gives more. Also, in Cheong's case, they waited too long. They didn't try to get to know each other better in act 1. If they did, It's be a fairy tale. So Cheong suffered alone, embittered and such. The human body is an amazing thing, once u have too much pain, it automatically numbs u. Such that the next pain that comes ur way is hardly felt, and in time none at all. However, this is not a good thing. It comes at a cost, to feel no pain, u would also lose your joy and hope. No Joy, NoHope = No pain.

Sad, Isn't it. I think so too. Oh, Why am I up at this crazy hour writing such nonsense. I can't sleep, DUH!!!! Also, have not written stories in a long time. This is to intro the next few stories i gonna write. It's gonna revolve around 1 theme. PhiloPhobia-Fear of being in love, loving and also having sumone loving u. Philo=love
Phobia=Fear.

I can't get to work either!!!

Who am I?

2007-11-19T23:11:00.000+08:00

This is perhaps the weirdest question to ask now, especially since it's like 1 week to the examination. But strangely it is the question i really need to know and must. No no, this ain't no emo post, it's not any weird thing that happened to me, just that lotsa things have been happening and God is very faithful.

I'm a proud person, super high ego and self-esteem. Since the days of my sec school yrs, never once have i backed down from anything, i always seem to know what i want and how to get it. Always standing up for what i believe in, never bending my back for 5 dou of grain(haha chinese idiom). Anyways, this sounds super bhb i know, but that's juz me. Muahahaha.

Yups, that's me, always fighting, so much so that people who get to know me think of me as strong. Persevering. Wellz, here's the truth, you all overestimate me. I'm super duper weak. I succumb to temptation and anger, fear and hatred, and jealousy. Lust and such, I give up easily. I'm not a fighter, i don't fight for what i believe in. I'm a miserable person, always wanting to hurt people around who don't seem to deserve what they have or get.

Yeps, i'm quite a wretched person. Sorry to burst the bubble. But that's not all, i think badly of people, despise them, think of ways to hurt them. I think of ways to get what i want, and never let anything stop me at it. BUT WHAT DO I REALLY WANT??ALso, I'm a hypocrite, i say one thing and yet it burns deep in my heart, I do things and yet am afraid that no one would know. I compare myself with others, i set standards which are not GOds.

Yar, I'm quite a character. But this is where it is really wonderful. Like I said, this is not an emo post. Oh another thing really really terrible about me, I always question God about my life and such. Why things dun work out? Why am I in pain, Is it worth it? Where are You? Show me a sign, and another, and another.

Isn't it horrible? Haha, but here's the good part. No matter how pathetic I am, God is always there for me. Jehovah Jireh, My Provider His grace is sufficient for me. "'My Grace is Sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in your weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest in me." 2Cor 12:9

Time to say How wonderful it is. Whenever I am down, i question God. Whenever I succeed, I take all the credit. Amazing thing is, I question, he shows me a sign, he send me people to encourage me, he let me experience peace that is from within. When I worry, He reassures me. When I cry out in agony, he comforts me. Sounds super cliche right, but His timing has always been perfect. When everything tells me to give up, when i turn to leave,(ppl who really know me would know that when i turn to leave, i never look back) he sends angels to call me back.

He's been so wonderful to me. What more can I ask?

I just got back a test script today, by His grace, I did a lot better than what i expected( cuz was really busy before, with TS rehearsal, MINDS camp, Con Amore, Driving Mum the nite b4 sleeping at 230) Yeps, didn't have time to study also. Truly when we least expect it, He is there with a wonder.

Wellz, i know i am not a good person. i know i let many ppl down. i know i do a lousy job comforting ppl, or encouraging them. But when I let Him work in me, all the right actions and words come out. So, back to the question, Who Am I?? I am a Child of God, and my God would do everything for me.

月牙湾 f.i.r.

2007-11-03T21:29:00.000+08:00

Been wondering what song this is. I really really like it lots. Yeps not my usual genre or type of musik. But then haha i dun really care about genre, i juz like good music. juz tat jazz and such usually have lotsa great stuff. Haha heard it today again and finally found out what song it is.
月牙湾 f.i.r.

Dancing on the ceiling

2007-11-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

Eh dun tink i'll be blogging often nowz cuz exams coming. Hehe anyways this is a fun song.
Dancing on the Ceiling-Ella Fitzgerald

Another nice song. Also will dance on ceiling one. hehe maybe i should get my footprints up there too. "Excuse me my lady, may I have this dance?"
You're All The World To Me-Fred Astaire

Happy 21st Dawnie

2007-10-23T16:56:00.000+08:00

Hey princess, it's so short a time that i knew you and yet it seems like it's so long haha. Really thank God for this year and a few months.
Wellz what i really want to say is HAPPYHAPPYHAPPY BIRTHDAY PRINCESS. Thank you for the great party and great CAKE. REally Really NICe Cake. Muahahaha
Also thanks for being such a dear friend.
My prayer for you as you grow into a lovely young lady is that you'd always have that innocent girl in you. Happiness, elegance, sweetness, beauty, and lastly but the most important: a Heart after Our Lord's own. These will follow you all of your days.

The Biggest Loner In The Whole Wide World

2007-10-16T23:24:00.000+08:00

I just realised that i really really really like being alone. Was walking back to the bottom of the hill after FT today. Super nice weather, cooling nice breeze. hehe dun wanna compose bad poetry for this. Then was humming and singing. But the part I really really loved was just being silent and listening to the tranquil of the night resounding in my mind.
Have had a lot of work to do for quite some time already. Some i didn't do(hahaha my CDA proj i have been super slack) Others i wanna put off, but my nature cannot.
Thank God that despite having lots of things to do, I am never busy. Have forgotten what it is like to be busy in the army. God has shown me that no matter how much work i have, it will always be done well somehow. i'd get the help i need and the wisdom.
Ok I Digressed. Have been doing lots of things alone for some time. Running, cycling, swimming, gym-ing. Even some of the times i meet friends for lunch, i am still alone. In my own world where i rest. It's so nice to be alone once again. Not that I dun enjoy my company of friends, just tat i like to have my silent moments. SUMTING NOONE WILL BELIEVE- I'M ACTUALLY A QUIET PERSON, AN INTROVERT(MUAHAHAHAHA) at least according to personality tests.
Just that when you are alone, you will not be lonely. So many people around spend lots of time with lots of people, but as most of it is just QUANTITY time and not QUALITY time, they end up feeling lonely. THere is nothing like quantity with no quality that can bring out the deepest lonliness in people.
Take some time to spend some QUALITY time, spend it with God. I dun mean in just reading your bibles or worshipping. Just take time to be silent before Our Lord. Take time to just be still and enjoy the peace. I know this sounds a bit like quiet time, but honestly how many people do their quiet time and is their quiet time really quiet or has it been so many things like must read finish a chapter of the bible or some devotion material. Those are good but this is different. BE ALONE

Relax Take It easy. Cast your burdens onto Jesus

2007-10-12T12:03:00.001+08:00

All things work for the Good of those who place their hope in the LordBeen a funny week of ups and downs. Wun say that I'm tired or wat, cuz i really dun noe. But have been quite lost especially since after taking post as the project director of Minds@Yck. It's not a tough job, just tat i'm not sure i want to carry on the direction we're going. So far, all i have been doing is following the old traditions. Thus, each session seems like just another session and i seem to just scrape past each time. I know I've not been commiting it to the Lord, which is an irony as I said that I would commit all aspects of my term to the Lord.
Will have a meeting soon to discuss the direction and changes we would take.
Of course it has been quite rewarding also, like when i went to fetch one of the kids from his own, he was delighted to see me, also when another kid held my arm to run together for games, it was all so amazing.

Been quite lost for school work too, can't focus much due to fatigue. Though physically and emotionally still able, I'd confess that i was quite spiritually drained. This is like above, tat i've not been commiting my issues to the Lord. Been praying for all around so much so tat i forgot myself. Sometimes when we lighten other's burdens, we forget that our burdens would also bring us down, we have to seek the Lord to lighten ours too.

Lost my swimming stuff yesterday, was super super sianz especially since my goggle were new and such. Was really really melancholic, woebegoned,(enough from my thesaurus muahahaha). Was praying about it, and was quite down. As usual, my impudent self asked God for a sign that I'm not alone and tat all things are in His hands. After tat, a fren came on MSN to ask me help her do survey(uhm not exactly what i had in mind), so i just helped her and after which my Lord just told me to take a rest, just sleep and leave everything in his Hands. Had many many weird dreams(nono not wet dreams, just weird, muahahahah). Each one telling me something about myself from other people's views. I was in third person of cuz. When i arose this morning, was kinda happy. Then Dawn told me she found my stuff. Thanks Girl for your encouragements over sms and also for helping me find back what i lost.

This song is from Ratatouille, SUPER GOODSTUFF. MUZ WATCH, I AM SO GONNA BUY THE DVD. really really love this song, think I'm gonna purchase some frenchfried CDs to listen to frenchtoasted songs.

The Sky is Blue and Sometimes Cries

2007-09-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

This song was a cover from 1967 by Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood. But I didn't really like the original cause the guy's voice a bit off for me haha. And I prefer Andrea's voice too. Haha ok lar i admit lar i think andrea corr looks sexy, though i prefer her drummer sister(haha i bery chi ko peh wan). Sexinest is not how much meat u show, it's an attitude, an alluring charm that every girl possesses but know not off. Yeps sexiness is different from trashiness.Bleah=P
The Corrs with Bono-Summer Wine

The Corrs-Summer Sunshine

Yes, both songs all summer, yeps like always I choose songs with something to say haha. The title for the poem was taken from a Song by the same name, nice title hahahah.

The Sky is Blue and Sometimes Cries

The Sky is Blue and sometimes cries,
Little Children flood the streets in spite of it,
gazing at the Heavens, dancing in the dim lights.
Without care, without pride,
Their dreams take flight.

The Sky is Blue and sometimes cries,
Floodgates burst and tears drown
The sorrows of life abruptly disrupted
Without a chance, without a fight
Their silent screams echo at such a plight..

The Sky is Blue and sometimes cries,
Famine Lands quenches their thirst,
Rejoicing at the healing, singing in the living.
Without sadness, without a cry
Their laughter resound at such a sight.

The waters flow from azure beyonds to emerald lands,
They do not care for the world what they feel.
They wash all away.
The life-bringing substance washes all pain and sorrow away.
And then they leave without a trace as silently as they came.
Summer Breezes and Summer Rain, Cerulean Skies and Lingering Dawn.
They will return someday.

B*Witched

2007-09-26T11:41:00.000+08:00

Well it's raining and pouring, so lame old me tot of the song "Blame it On the Weatherman" Muahahha. This group sounds quite fun wan.
Blame it on the Weatherman

Rollercoaster

I Don't Want to See You Cry-Silje Neergard

2007-09-25T12:28:00.000+08:00

This was the song I was looking for when i found the waltz. I heard it first when I bought a jazz compilation CD. Strange that the song does exactly the opposite as its title. Didn't dare post this before, but now I guess it's the right time now. I understand.
Still here for you, though I need time. Pray that all will be well as time goes by.

I'm Tired

2007-09-23T10:55:00.000+08:00

Been acting weird and my thoughts are irrational. Am afraid that i'll continue asking for unreasonable things and acting worst. If i carry on like this, i'll hurt you and then me.
This battered and bruised soldier, 3Sg W K Boey, is now in serious need of rest. But if u need me, u know how to find me. Will always answer to the call of duty for honour.
Hope you like this song
Loving This Way-Collin Raye and Bobbie Eakes

Somewhere Over The Rainbow- Eva Cassidy

2007-09-22T09:18:00.001+08:00

New Responsibilities

2007-09-21T19:57:00.000+08:00

Hey hey, update on my life, gonna be busy so dun think i'll have much time to blog, not tat anyone reads it anyway. Wellz, I'm now the new Project Director for NVAC MINDS @ YCK. Hope things will go well, Pray for me Pls. Need Wisdom and also more volunteers.

Have a new comm, Have some really great people on board my team and also some that are reluctant, It is quite sad. I hope that as time goes by, we will be more bonded and that God will melt our hearts together. I hope that we will all enjoy this opportunity to serve.

Found this video, memories of the show still flood my mind and I still grin as such. Fantasy or Memory,does it matter. Reality is such that I can't tell the difference. The show was fantastic and the company too. Perhaps one day I'll be like the prince and Odette, having a happy fairy tale romance.(although this is not the actual ending intended by the writer)But I know I muz be like Odile in the end. Haha I know sounds quite sentimental right, well I am.

At least for one night, I was in a fairy tale

Wonderful Tonight

2007-09-14T01:12:00.000+08:00

Thank You Lord for making tonight so wonderful. Everything was better than perfect.
This Song says all I have to say.

I dun noe how tomorrow will be,
I dun noe where we will go from here.
I dun even noe how we will be
or whatever will happen.
But at least for tonight,
I have you by my side.
What a wonderful delight.
Sleep tight, Good Night.

Dun noe how it will be or where we will walk, but Lord, our heavenly father, guide us in Your will
Thank you My treasured Princess Peaches and Cream

Complicated Heart-Michael Learns to Rock

2007-09-11T19:36:00.000+08:00

I Don’t know what to say now
I Don’t know where to start
I Don’t know how to handle
A complicated heart

You tell me you are leaving
But I just have to say
Before you throw it all away

Chorus:
Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you’re coming home
If you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me, my love will still remain

Don’t know what you’re thinking
To me it seems quite tough
To hold a conversation
When words are not enough

So this is your decision
And there’s, nothing I can do
I can only say to you

Chorus:
Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you’re coming home
If you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me, my love will still remain

If this is your decision
And there’s, nothing I can do
I can only say to you

Even if you want to go alone
I will be waiting when you’re coming home
If you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me, my love will still remain

Even if you want to go alone
I will still love you when tomorrow comes
When you need someone to ease the pain
You can lean on me, my love will still remain

孫燕姿&蔡健雅 - 原點--
eh I also like cheena songs wan juz tat most i like now hard to find

Photographs

2007-09-05T22:16:00.000+08:00

I think this is the shortest short I have written. It is also one of the hardest cuz I dun noe how to write it. I dun even noe if it is good or whether it makes sense. Anyhouse it does say what I'd been thinking for a long time. Wellz, hope you'd enjoy this one. EHz I noe the story quite Emo. Some parts I take is from my memory and some from my fantasy. But the story is still fiction. Yeps, enjoy.

Photographs

There she was all adorned in splendor, I will never forget how she looked that night. I gazed into her eyes as I stood mesmerised there and then. Her long flowing gown with a divine aura of beauty that simply beguiles all the young men touched by her grace. I held her hand through silky long gloves that covered her delicate and ethereal hands so soft that it brings comfort to all it touches. Through her winsome smile she blesses all that turn their eyes her way. These memories flood me as I held those photographs in my hand. I love her so.

Three months has passed since that enchanting evening of magical song and dance. The bewitching evening is now but a fraction of my memory and it lingers on there leaving me completely spellbound. All my life I have spent imagining the most wonderful of nights and now that it has come and passed, I can only say that it was much better than my imagination. The difference between reality and fantasy is that in fantasy, there is a lack of details and also there is a script. You may deny this, but often in our fantasies, we know what is going to happen. The sad truth of memories is that as time passes, they too become lacking in details.

I looked at another photograph of the beautiful times we had. It was a photograph of two sleepy people hand in hand sitting by the light of the moon. We were happy as can be doing nothing together. The photograph was taken using a hand phone with its low resolution. Although the picture is blurry at some places, it is still possible to distinguish our smiles and also the backdrop. We were there by the fountain where lights shoot forth and burst into a spectacular myriad of colours.

Fantasies are beautiful in that it is not reality. We can often defy all rules of nature and make our own. Our world without pain nor decadence, a world thriving with loveliness and live. Reality is such that it is hard to create a perfect moment as everything is susceptible to chance. However, there is something else that can create a perfect moment in the most unplanned circumstance. Memory, on the other hand, is often that which we hold dearly. Whatever that is most emotionally intense, they become remembered with greater assurance, though they may contain false traces of magic that resulted from fantasies.

I remembered by the waterfall when she looked straight into my eyes and asked me, “If I fall into the river, would you come and rescue me?”. That was the most intense moment in my life and I remembered it with absolute vividness. Being a fool, I tried to ease the tension by joking about being inept at swimming and such. With anger and eyes that burn through the soul much worst than brimstones, she glared at me. “You'd better”, she said. Not wanting to lose this perfect moment, I said, “You know I would.” Then and there a grin lit up her face and no words was spoken.

It's been three months again. We have gone our own separate ways. Strange as fate have it, that I carry these photos with me. I met her once and showed it to her then. She couldn't recall. Everything seem to be just a fraction of my imagination.The photographs I have have also begun their toll to time. Every detail seems sketchy, everything captured slowly seeps out its borders

Now I ask, what is the difference between what is real and what is imagined. Fantasies and memories of reality, they all seem to blur into a fuzzy twirl. If in the end, everyone forgets what had happened but you, and that you seem to be the only person affected by it, did it really happened? Can you affirm that it is real and not just another imagined story?

UDS-Thx for THe Fantastic Time

2007-08-23T22:38:00.000+08:00

There's nothing like a time of combined worship and prayer, especially when the school gathers to pray for the school. Yeps, Fantastic worship, Marvellous Prayers, I can only stand in awe as I ponder on the majesty of it all. Thank you to all B.A.S.I.C friends(brothers and sisters in Christ, haha floated into my mind as he said that). Thank You Lord.

A little fun

2007-08-17T14:13:00.000+08:00

Posting too many videos will stop soon. THen back to horrible writings by Me Muahahahaah

This song is dedicated to all those who think it should be for you. IF YOU THINK IT'S FOR YOU, IT IS.MUAAHAHAHAHAHA
Frank Sinatra- THE LADY IS A TRAMP

Sit Back And Relax.

2007-08-16T20:03:00.001+08:00

Candy Dulfer- Nikki's Dream

Candy Dulfer- Lily Was Here

Great Song. Hope You Enjoy It.

2007-08-14T15:43:00.000+08:00

Silje Nergaard-The Waltz-Port of Call

Time to pull heartstrings. Hope you enjoy this song as much as I do. I know I know, my sentimental self involves dancing and song though I can't sing nor dance
and this is definitely much better than my poem

The Waltz
Strike up the band let it play
Love songs to haunt me and I will stay
But when it comes to a waltz
Both words and music will ring false

For you waltzed in
And spun my world
Around in dizzy dance
I swirled
But suddenly
You waltzed away from me

Those violins, they must go
So no careless hand with a bow
May play on the strings of my heart
And make me remember how lovers part

How you waltzed in
And spun my world
Around in dizzy dance
I swirled
But suddenly
You waltzed away from me

Strike up the band let it play
Whatever it chooses and I will say
Play me a waltz if you will
I'll sit here and listen waiting until

My love returns
To take my world
And spin it' round
In dizzy swirl
Where girl loves boy
And boy loves girl
And feet don't touch the ground

Wah Love Story Again arh, well not exactly.

2007-08-06T14:32:00.000+08:00

Well sbeen a really long time since i last wrote a short. So have decided to write. Uhm did what I needed to do and well it turned up quite ok. Uhm just in case anything,DISCLAMER: The following short only represents the fantasy world of the writer and not the actual world. Whatever fallacies it presents is a lousy overlook on my behalf.

(I Love You...NOT)
In the heart of the rural plains of Guangzhou, there lived an old man. He has seen the springs and summers where they till the land to reap its harvest, he has also tolerated the many autumns and winters where the freezing cold bite deep into the bone. In other words, he has lived his life to the sweetest joys and the most bitter sadness. However, he is quite blessed. Through these many years, he was not alone. He has a lovely and endearing wife who has been his support and his joy. Heaven knows it is not easy for them to stay together.

He was initially a coolie by the ports of Guangdong. She was the daughter of a palm tree tycoon in Nanyang. As expected, the standard Shakespearean story happened. Star-crossed lovers with no hope, they did the classical Chinese romance story. They eloped. She, being born of a silver spoon, had much to get used to. Apart from that, she also had to endure the many times when his ego took a bruising. A virtuous wife who suffers in silence, a hardened man of the street, who knew their affections would last.

Anyway, the story is not about their love. Nope, it is not about any romantic endeavour also. The title means exactly what it say and yet not really. Guess again.

He had everything any man would desire. They had a couple of kids together (this is before the one-child policy). In these later years, his daughters have grown and married, and he has but one son, the treasured fruit of his loins. To give his children a better chance than he had, he saved up money for them to travel to the urban area to receive a proper education. These many years, apart from the festivities held at the beginning of the lunar calendar, the couple lived alone.

One day, he received a letter from his son, he is finally fulfilling his legacy. A lovely lady is willing to spend the rest of their days growing together. They came back home to celebrate and such.. Rapture ensues and finally as the Chinese proverb goes, “Below the heavens, there is no banquet that does not ends”.( ok at least i didn't do my usual direct translation, haha)
They return to the city and lived their city life while the old couple lived their rural life.

No more contact other than letters, the families led separate lives. That is until one day, a miracle happened. The son did his father proud by impregnating his wife. You'd think that any grandfather to be would be rejoicing at such a news. But no,(haha writer's privilege can start sentence with But.)in fact, he was enraged. Why would this be so? The infuriating part is that now that the one-child policy is established, and also with the traditional thinking of the Chinese, you can guess what was it.

Everyday he stormed about with his veins protruding at ugly intervals around his neck and face. His wife left his side and went to look after her daughter-in-law. But he(wahaha i love abusing this privilege)could not compromise upon his ridiculous beliefs. He couldn't forgive his useless son and newfound daughter. They have brought shame onto his name by being unable to produce a son to carry on the name and legacy of him. Every morning he wakes up in fury and every night slumbers in tempest.

Finally, the time came for the new blessed parents to bring their little bundle of love back to their home. It was the 1st month of her birth and in the custom of Chinese, a little celebration in in due. His wife had returned earlier than the couple in order to prepare for the celebration. He being still embittered, neither helped nor made things easy. A difficult man to coax, his wife let him be.
The couple returned with their little blessing and their little party begins. All is in merry but the grumpy old man.
In their drunkenness and merrymaking, everybody slept early. Everybody but the man that could not be happy. Late at night, in the ungodly hours of the wee morning, when the whole world is having its 40 winks, 1 man remains ignored by the sandman. He stood there staring at the cradle rocking slowly following the tempo of the song of the cicadas.

“I do not understand what have I done. Why is it that I am cursed to have no more heir to carry on the proud family name. You... what did I do to deserve you.”
The little infant arose and stretched.
“You are no grandchild of mine. I do not love you at all. What are you doing?!?!?”
These words echoed in the silence of the night interrupted by the mating call of the insects in the wild. They resound loudly in the hollow of his head. But this time it was not in anger.
As he was lamenting and pointing at the child in accusation, the precious little beauty awoke and took his finger. All 5 fingers of hers wrapped around 1. No other words were spoken that night. And the world carries on its nightly rest until dawn arises.

After Session

2007-08-05T02:41:00.000+08:00

Just came back from session. And dinner afterwards.
Yar I know the time is outrageous.
I joined the seniors for some chewing of fat at Macs, after which gave a little councelling to 2 of them whom I respect quite a lot.
It's a hard world to be in, especially so when U dun noe the Lord.
Said somethings that everybody knows but forgets at the most crucial moment.

Through talking with them, I realised that my own life is also in a very crucial point. There is something important that I have been taking my own sweet time with. I am now very afraid that I may lose that too, after which I may even b more emo than them. I am gonna act soon, dun wanna lose all the chances given to me. For these time, It's for Keeps. If I dun act, I may forget what is important too. The Samuel spirit: Never do nothing. "If I perish, I perish"-haha sounds so grave rite.Pray for me...

Huh Year 2 already.

2007-07-31T23:34:00.000+08:00

Well, just a quick update about what's happening if anyone's interested.Haha, sounds emo rite.
I'm going year 2 already, gonna major in E Lang.
Am currently in Salem Chapel, serving in COOL(Christ over our lives)-band as lead saxohponist(haha i'm the only sax). Also going into children's church currently as a helper-dunnoe if will become teacher, will pray about it.
Am in MINDS YCK- currently taking care of 2 kids. Recently Have people coming in to help me hahaha yeah finally. High Probability of becoming the next Boss.
Am looking for tution Lobang cuz of gigantic hole in pocket. Have miscalculated expenses and underestimated Transport and misc stuff.
Am currently ragging as a gimmick to pull people into MINDS YCK(hahaha yupz i admitted it on first day), Working mainly as a Hard Techie- Yeah hacksaw and lashing, my special skills. Also as A BRUTE FORCE Crew wahahhaha. No BRAINS ALLOWED.

No stories for now and no poetry, a little EMo and my rule of no writing EMO stuff is strictly reinforced.

2007-07-10T23:19:00.000+08:00

Back from China, found this on youtube, sounds nice, But always think tat whenever Dave Koz plays he seems to be having sum sort of spasm LoL. Dave Koz and Danny Jung-Deeper in Love

This Vid looks Fun Haha.

Leaving on a jet plane

2007-07-01T23:21:00.000+08:00

Will be leaving for China soon. i know i said i was bery tired and didn't wanna write anything. Haha, but i still feel so happy. So, i so happy until even tired also muz write sumting or else will *zi ba bom* explode/implode inside. Hehe lalalalala.

Beauty Abounds

Walking through sunshine,
my eyes wander about.
An arc en ciel hanging high in the sky,
with my hopes and joys nigh.
A baby smiles and gazed into my eyes,
love flows and jubilee arises.
With each stride I bounce along,
with each sight beauty abounds.

Darkness envelopes the night,
my irises dilate along,
A shooting star brightens it up.
Wishes made and felicity ensues.
A great company of friends around,
laughter follows and mirth emanates.
With each light I glide with it,
with each sight beauty abounds.

Through the storms and trials of life,
sorrow i feel within.
My sunshine comes along,
The radiance she brings with her.
Drying every tear,
warming every chill,
Laughter, merriment and glee.
They come forth so tenderly.
With each delight I take flight,
with each sight beauty abounds

The week before i Leave

2007-06-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

Well, technically the week ends tomr. Dun tink i'll write a story or a poem b4 i leave cuz quite tired.Esp todae at Pasir Ris Park with my trainees. Haha climb here climb there run here run there, spin here spin there. It has a super playground lor. Hehe maybe next time will come here juz to play hahaha.(sry can't grow up)=P

Well, the week began on monday, when i played B ball with sum church frens and their other frens. Was a mixed game with gals and guys. Wah again feeling vertically challenged since the gals were ard my ht or taller. Then sum of the guys were giants. Well had a gr8 game, in other words I did win some of the games and contributed some(haha didn't get eaten), well if u can't win them in size do wat i do. Run them til they are tired. Hehe.

Tue rested like there was no tomr.

Wed, went to recce Pasir Ris park with Boss. It was for today's outing. After tat had a discussion about the present state of the Proj and future goals.

Thr, Had the most amazing time at the Bird Park. Hehe, i went with Dawn there. Really enjoyed ourselves there. Nice birds, and wonderful company. Thank God for the great weather and the great company. Really Spectacular time. Hehe, will not elaborate further.

Fri, went shopping with sis for a pair of formal shoes for myself. Ended up looking for her shoes and shopping with her BF. Wah, found quite a few nice shoes for her then cannot cuz her BF say she too much open-toe, peep-toe and tic tat toe.

And then Today, as stated above. After session, went dinner as usual and then helped Wee May come up with ideas for Charity Fiesta at Junction 8.

Now, I'm quite tired. Coming Monday, am leaving for China. Hope it will be a fruitful and blessed trip.
And then when i return, dun noe if Boss manage to get a space for me for Union Camp. Anyways, Let the Big recruitment of volunteers begin. Muahahaha

Past, present and future

2007-06-22T16:36:00.003+08:00

Well, i'm posting this cuz i'm bored outta my mind. Actually no, I've found back some things important.
Was chatting with 2 frens from sec sch and JC respectively,(actually this were 2 gals i pursue in those days,haha).They will be named A for sec sch wan and B for JC wan.
Ms A is now happily attached, hope to be hearing wedding bells soon haha.She going for internship soon. Anyway all the best.
Ms B is going away to Aussie for studies.
From talking to them, i remembered something really important, esp talking to Ms B.
I dun really talk about my past wan. But this is some good stuff. Obviously they both rejected me,(if not i wun be single rite, but i dun care abt tat).
I used my pursuit of Ms B's story for councelling one of my frens. I still think she is beautiful and vivacious and winsome and so on. Strangely i seem to have forgotten tat as the years went by. Also thx to sum of my frens tat were trying to lift me up, they put her down.(I'm quite upset at tat)And also worst of all, i think after so many times of their chanting, i actually believed them. SO sry
Somebody once said that when u like someone(wun use Love, dun wanna cheapen its meaning, overused already), u'll become irrational. You'l think about her and cry when not reciprocated. You'll feel miserable and such.
Well, to a certain extend I agree, not the crying part nor the miserable part. I told someone that love is irrational, and she disagreed with me. Well, it depends on how u view it.
Seung Hoon knows how irrational i become. For no apparent reason i will suddenly smile to myself, grinning from ear to ear.
What i think is, Love is irrational. It makes no sense why u are so happy. Even when the hardest trials come, even if she rejects you, you'll still be happy knowing she is happy. One of the reason why i recovered so fast, was tat i found my happiness looking at her smile.(okok, I'm quite weak for tat i agree.)
Even when in the water, when coach scolds, when i had muscle aches or injuries, they disappear when i see her then, so u tell me if tis is irrational. Fatigue goes, stamina becomes insane, strength doubles,haha i super drama rite, but it is true.
How can i say how irrational it is? well, Nothing else matters, You'll just be so happy that it makes no sense. I just become a better person then. I love what I am when I am with her.
Of cuz, now i remember why i fell for her in the first place. She has this amazing thing when she smiles, her pupils light up, expressing the joy within. Her personality would melt me. Its the Joy I find in her.
Now, I know it's impossible, but I wish her all the best in her future. I wish her the Joy she gave me then. To conquer everything, so much so that nothing else matters.
To all out there, I hope u will one day find someone who does what Ms B does to me. That The Joy will just overflow such that nothing else matters.
Of cuz, now i still have such joy and more. I get it from people dear to me.

Super Duper Long POst WOo Hoo

2007-06-21T10:08:00.000+08:00

Its been so many days since my insane run of camps(from 8th to 16th). Have spent the last few days sleeping. So have finally decided to like write sumting before i go into comatose again. Well, if given a chance, i'll do it again and will not miss any of those camps. They all have their special moments. Didn't sleep on the first day of ACID camp and slept at 3 am on the 2nd day, Was busy stargazing with a group of fanatics(haha), we were all lying on the track or on the basketball court. Saw 2 shooting stars on first nite and 1 on the second. Xue Ping said i must be the lucky star since for the second nite they waited whole nite none until i came.

Well the second camp was even more amazing,I was looking after 5 precious beautiful darlings(heh heh). Was amazed as during one of the sessions, the children went forth and prayed for healing for those sick and injured. They were healed.
On the last day we arranged a baptism of the Holy Spirit for the children. I was a little worried as i didn't really know how to pray for them. God told me to pray in tongues. So then, i closed my eyes and prayed whilst laying hands on them. I didn't really know what i was saying, just the gist of its meaning. It was a different tongue from that of worship. I wasn't even sure what was happening. Then I started singing in tongues. The girls then cried, some of them saw visions, others prophesied. They started to gather in groups and intercede for one another. They spoke in tongues and it was like the day of pentecost. Amazing things happen one after another. With boldness they prayed loud and fervently.

The last camp was Juxtapose 07. Had lotsa fun then. Ate weird food also.(Cheek sandwich,strange belachan concoction). Gr8 Prog. First day, played captain's what(captain's ball using banana, durian, waterbombs,...) and banana soccer(banana tied to waist, only can use tat to touch balloon)then we went to visit IMH and MWH.The nite we spent around NUS. Hail WanPing the Belachan Queen.(We had to eat this really funky belachan concoction, at first no one dared to eat, so i tried to be Hero. Made a fool of myself, as i couldnt keep it down. WanPing ate almost everything.)
Second day was Spirit of compassion(SOC), amazing race and fright nite. This day i have lotsa say about Cat hahaah.SOC is a simulated situation where we try to interact with clients,(Cat u make a really frightening depressed old lady) The fright nite was superb,(unlike the arts' o week wan). It was quite freaky,(too bad at l8 hrs i was zombie mode so can't scare me wan hahaha) Cat, u really freaked a lot of people out hahaha.(Y u dun wanna play with me? Did you see my sister?)
final day.--Disability challenge, Games with MWH, and D&D at Cozy Bay.
DC-everyone is handicapped in the grp and must carry out sum task, go to places(arts is not wheelchair frenly) and eat lunch. Hearing and speech impaired(listen to MP3 player really loud in foreign language),Lost of master arm, Lost of fingers(tied up hand) Lost of Sight(blindfolded), Use of wheelchair-loss of leg.
MWH- The boys were really enthu and were really excited about NUS. They felt a drive to work harder in order to come here.
D &D-SP revealing, SP games, Skit, Games, and prize giving(CONVIVAL-MOST CREATIVE)

Okok, enuff about the camps, actually got more to say. Here's a new story then. No Dawn, It ain't a Love Story(Muahahahaha)

The Little Wooden Box
Many years in our lives have caused us all to forget the hopes and dreams we have. The many crashing defeats has enameled us with layers and layers of protection, so much so that we no longer have a scratch as such. We sacrificed our ability to feel so that we can no longer feel pain. Without feelings, we cannot dream nor hope. Like a lifeless machine, we drift from day to day, merely existing no longer living. If only we remember what we felt as a child...

Emil was warded as he had just went under the knife to remove his appendix. It was a simple procedure, quick and almost painless, but he still needed to be warded a few days to ensure that there is no infection. Like most other males of his age, he has already given up on his dreams and is stuck in a dead-end job trying to make ends meet. Fortunately, he is not the sole bread winner in his family or else his stay in the hospital would make them starve.

Once upon a time, he had dreams of helping people around him. He wanted to bring smiles to children. He almost went with a mission to Burma to help the Karen Refugees. All those noble ambitions went straight to hell in a basket when he saw his brother die. His brother had always been cheerful and was always with a volunteering project. However, good guys finish last, he was afflicted with Lou Gehrig's disease. Emil could only watch as his brother waste away. Every muscle in his body slowly going into atrophy and then eventually he can't even breathe on his own. Emil was there holding his hand when his brother's lungs failed. He watched the slow and painful death and without him knowing, he too began to die slowly.

On the second day in his stay at the hospital, after the effects of the anesthetic wear off, he decided to wander around the hospital to ease his boredom. As he wander, his mind also begins to wonder. He thought of his work, his love, his family, basically he was just lost in thought. He began to lose track of where he was, and then he walked into the children's ward. He saw a little boy lying on his bed. That little boy reminded him of his brother. Emil approached the boy and talked to him. The little boy's vivacious nature infected Emil and he too began to smile. Strange that it takes a little boy to remind him what a marvel it is to just release all your cares and woes, and just laugh.

Even after he was discharged (which was quite soon), Emil continued to visit the boy. He manage to find his sanctuary where he can escape from the burdens of the world there. Through their conversation, he found out that the boy is in his final stage of leukemia. In other word's, he is in constant torment due to the illness. However, despite all his pain, he never fails to find a reason to treasure each day and delight in all it has to offer. Emil eventually asked the boy what is it that gives him the strength for each new day. The boy replied that it was his faith and hope in the Lord Jesus Christ that enables him to see beyond his physical misery. Emil obviously did not accept that and question further, but the boy insisted on it. After the visit, as Emil was leaving, he notice the boy take out a little wooden box. He whispered some words and wrote something, then he left his scribbles in the box.

During the subsequent visit, Emil, being the curious person he is, asked about the little box. The little boy replied that it was his little magic box. Each time he felt that someone needed something, he would say a little prayer and write a note, and then he would deposit it in the box. Emil was shocked at the little boy's statement. Even in such dire straits, the little boy would still care for others around him. He wonders what is it that can give a person hope and compassion beyond their physical boundaries.

One day, as Emil was about to enter the ward of the little boy, he saw him convulsing in pain. He was choking on white froth, his whole body going into violent painful spasms. He called for the doctor immediately. Emil saw the little wooden box and was tempted to sneak a peek into it. However, he didn't.

Emil was not allowed into the ward as they were performing the procedures necessary to sustain life in the little boy. He waited in agony all the while they were in there. He had abandon his faith when his brother died. Why did God allow such a good man to die in malaise? What sort of justice is there? And now deja vu, the little boy is in pain too. Everybody around him writhes in torment in their final hours.

After the entire episode, the nurse brought him to the counter to clear some administration. She asked if he was family. Emil said no and learnt that the boy had no other visitors. The boy had always been cheerful despite being alone. Maybe it was his little magic wooden box that gave him hope and joy.

The next day, Emil came again and talked to the boy. It was another time of play and laughter. Never had Emil feel so discombobulated, he knows not how to express joy whilst concealing his sympathy and pain. The session went a little awkwardly despite the little boy's best attempts in removing the awkwardness.

Emil did not come for the following week. He didn't know how to feel and how to act. He didn't even know what to say. He doesn't want to go through the ordeal of losing someone precious to him again. He didn't want to watch his loved ones waste away while he stand there unable to help. He didn't want to feel inept. As such, Emil buried himself in work. Slogging away like a beaver building a dam, he gave no time to anything else.

When the week was up, Emil felt really guilty. He realised just how selfish he was. In order to avoid the little misery that would come, he had given the boy to be alone in such a time. He went to the hospital that day to visit the boy. All he saw was an empty bed. The little boy had left his sufferings behind. Again, Emil burst into tears, he went into a frenzy of self pity. Why did everyone important die painfully? Just then the nurse approached him, and she passed him the little wooden box and said the boy wanted him to have it.

After he had settled himself, Emil opened the box. There in it, on the lid, was a Chapter from the Bible, Psalms 23. He saw the little notes the boy wrote, numbering to the times of his visit.

The first note:
“Thank you Lord for sending Emil into my life. Thank you for the joy and company you have given through him. I pray that you would fill him with your joy and peace that he may know you.”
The second note:
“Lord, Emil looks disheartened today. I pray that you would lift him up and let him know you are there for him. He needs you more today.”
The final note
“ Emil, thank you for being here for me. You have not been here for some time, I guess you are busy. Anyway, just wanna remember the day you came. I was really sad as no one was there. I prayed really hard for God to ease this loneliness and was about to give up. That was when I saw this man wobble in and sat next to me. He looked really lost. God spoke to me to touch his life. However, he touched mine instead. That man was you. Thank you, my angel.”

Psalms 23 (A psalm of David)
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever

Tribute to Pa

2007-06-17T22:20:00.000+08:00

Wanted to post this on father's day, but can't seem to post for sum reason, so trying again todae.
Happy Father's day. Pa left for vietnam today at 5am. I sent him to the airport. It's been so long since I last saw him and it's gonna be longer still. He went to Muar for a conference for 2 weeks. When he returned, I left for ACID camp,8th-10th,then immediately to children's church camp,10th-13th) came home to rest for the nite, and then to NVAC juxtapose cam,14th -16th. Reached home at dusk when the house was asleep. Then woke up at 0415 to fetch him to airport. Didn't really speak to him as I was still drowsy. Slept all the way to the airport whilst he was driving.(usually i will not, so as to keep him company) Then when we arrived, we hugged and I drove home.

It'll be another week before I see him again. Making the grand total of days apart to be around a month. Dun noe wat to say now. Sometimes, we guys can be such lost for words. Well, Can't express it other than in poetry. Haha(that's how i do most things sia).

Happy Father's Day

Everyday I see you,
But I don't speak to you.
You reach your hand to me,
I turn it away briskly.
You walk towards me,
I turn and scamper away.
You praise me for my deeds,
I take it with a sneer.
You stomach pain with no tears,
I accuse you of being callous.
You laugh at my jokes,
I doubted your sincerity.
Everything you do, I took it the other way.

When I was difficult,
You scolded me.
When I fought with others,
you caned me.
When I was disrespectful,
you chastised me.
When I was lazy,
you screamed at me.
When I cheated,
you made me confess.
When I was haughty,
you humbled me.
Everything I did, you chided me.

But when I was sick,
You took care of me.
When I fell,
You picked me up.
When I cried,
You gave me a hanky.
When I screamed and shouted,
You comforted me.
When I failed,
You empthatised with me.
When I lost myself,
you searched for me.
Everything that made me blue, you took it away.

It took so many years for me to see
the things you did for me.
It took so many years to feel
the love you have for me.
The many times of pain
The many times misunderstood
I didn't see your way,
I didn't walk your path.
Never showing any emotions,
I thought you to be cold and heartless.
But deep inside,
Your vehemence for me never subsides.

I WANNA BE FAMOUS TOO

2007-05-31T01:19:00.000+08:00

I wanna be famous too Muahahahahhaha. With my mINd

New story

2007-05-24T21:58:00.000+08:00

Uhm, Irvin and Lurvene are a couple in my church, they have one of the longest and nicest relationship story. I'm using their names cuz they rhyme.=P No other reason.

Holidays- I not gonna work liao hahahahaha. no lar got camp 8th-10th June ACID CAmp,10-13th Children's church camp, 14th-16th NVAC camp.
July-2nd-13th Gonna follow my Dad's footsteps.

Uhm Guys, I mean it DUN ASk ME GO GYM PLS. DUN ASK ME TRAIN RUNNING, JUST RUN FOR FUN.Basketball, soccer or any sports will do fine haha.

OK here's a story.

The Eraser
Irvin was a little boy of 6 attending a neighborhood kindergarten. Lurvene was a little girl of the same age attending the same kindergarten. Like other boys of that age, Irvin plays only with boys, as it is considered weird to be with the opposite sex. After all, boys are made of snips, snails and puppy dog tails. The games played by Boys were preparing them for their gender role, rough and tough they have to be, to take care of their families when they are older, to serve their country and give their all. Girls, on the other hand, being made of sugar, spice and everything nice, play games differently. As such, their social gender role is also different. They are expected to be nice and kind, to be teachers and nurses, to be caregivers. They were to grow to be gentle and delicate, like a flower in hand, beautiful but ethereal.

Irvin, being a boy, continued his time in the kindergarten mixing with boys. Lurvene, being a girl, continued hers with girls. The two have no reason for being friends or speaking to each other, as their world of their gender provided them with everything they needed. Also, they do not wish to be an outcast in their group of friends. Every kid wants to be the popular kid, and since they were both dominant in their masculine and feminine traits respectively, it is no wonder they are one of the more popular children in their clique.

One day, due to an epidemic of chicken pox, there was an odd number of boys and an odd number of girls in their class. Usually this wouldn't pose as a problem, but during Arts and Craft then, the children have to pair up due to the purpose of the project. Despite their popularity, both were left out in the pairing. As such, they were one of the few cross-gender pairings that existed in their 2 years of kindergarten. Although they were both a bit reluctant, as they were afraid of being ostracised, they worked together being the good pupils they are.

The project required them to create a collage of their little school. The reason they worked in pairs is due to a shortage of time and also so that the children would learn to work together to create something beautiful. Well, something beautiful was created and something even more beautiful was too. Despite their gender differences and initial aloofness, they overcame all in the name of cooperation. As both were of a vivacious nature, it was not long before there was much teasing, playing and laughter. They created a work of art with eggshells, coloured paper, white glue and paint. They created another piece of art with their jokes, mindless banter and laughter. Their hands touched one another, and both retracted theirs in shyness. A glance at each other's direction with a twinkle says it all. Their pupils dilate and peered straight into each other. The teacher bellowed, “Time's up, pass up your work.”

As the days in the week go by, they spend more time together. Totally immersed in their little world of laughter and games, they care not of their friends and their gossip. Both were truly engaged in their earnest and innocent friendship. Soon, they became the best of friends. They did not realise that as they spend more time playing together, their separate world of friends began their evil words and these took its toll.

“Irvin,you boy or not? Why you spend so much time with Lurvene? She's a girl, you wanna become like her huh. If you continue like that, we will not friend you anymore.”
“Lurvene, why you so like that? Spend so much time with Irvin, later you become boy then you know. Just so you know, if you carry on like that, we won't friend you no more.”

The next day even before they began lessons, both avoided each other and played with their previous group of friends. They did not even dare to look each other's way, only sneaking glances to have a glimpse of each other. Irvin took a quick look but saw Lurvene's eyes away, after he returned his eyeline to his friends, she did likewise and saw the same. Both look so happy being the popular kid in their clique, but they both knew they left something behind and that felt terrible. Their eyes averted, their passion dwindled, what is their friendship worth?

A week past since the day they parted, a week of emptiness and awkwardness. He felt like bursting and she felt the same way too. He made a decision there and then, he couldn't care less what his friends say and think, if he left this precious friend behind, what kind of a person would he be! She made a decision there and then too. The next day before school begins, children played in the corridors and screams of ecstasy and excitement filled the air. Lurvene approached Irvin and gave him an eraser. “I like playing with you and I think we'd make good friends. But the girls don't like me hanging out with you, as you are a boy and I am a girl. I hope you understand.”

Irvin was a little boy of 6 attending a neighborhood kindergarten. Lurvene was a little girl of the same age attending the same kindergarten. Like other boys, Irvin plays only with boys as it is considered weird to be with the opposite sex. After all, boys are made of snips, snails and puppy dog tails. The games played by Boys were preparing them for their gender role, rough and tough they have to be, to take care of their families when they are older, to serve their country and give their all. Girls, on the other hand, being made of sugar, spice and everything nice, played games differently. As such, their social gender role is also different. They were expected to be nice and kind, to be teachers and nurses, to be caregivers. They were to grow to be gentle and delicate, like a flower in hand, beautiful but ethereal.

If the eraser could only erase their differences, they would have something beautiful, but the eraser could not even erase this painful memories of something that could have been.

Karen Village Children Worship

2007-05-16T22:50:00.000+08:00

Uhm Pause the Mp3 player first.My dad sent these videos to me. It is of children from the Karen Village in north western Thailand worshiping God. Just thought I'll share it with u all. The cameraman is my Dad(figured it out through the background singer voice,LOL Dad's voice so distinct =P), one of the guitarist is Uncle Kum Sieng(this is not the right spelling, juz what i think it sounds like, i dun noe Thai)U can feel the joy and also the passion that most of us have forgotten. It truy is a humbling experience. Its a 5 part video. Truly the kingdom of God belongs to the little children. Thx Dad for sharing your work with me.
Part1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

2 weeks since the end of the exams.

2007-05-16T01:40:00.000+08:00

Its now more than 2 weeks since the end of exams. Have decided to devote more time to tender loving care of my better half. Will work on some scales and patterns to improve my techniques. Have decided on practicing downward cycle fifths and ladybird turnabouts. Muz also work on chords and extended dominant seventh.(WAH sounds so cheem, actually i juz pull out the mumbo-jumbo to make u all think i super pro, no lar juz needa practice sum patterns and licks and improve my ear)

I'm still looking for job, but i wan sumting that has a testimonial, i dun really need money. Still surviving(will not resort to begging yet,haha).

Have been doing some basic training, so i'm still not fat and flabby yet. Haha, I'm still capable of running circles around all u NS Khakis(BLEAH, who ask you all slack never train). lalala, i got gym at home so too badz to all. Can maintain basic fitness and strength.

Reading lots of books lately, even chinese books. Have decided to take this break to mug up my cheena. Muz make sure it become tokong ennuff to pass off as cheena-piang. Actually i find chinese books more fun to read. Although i havta spend lotsa time flipping through the dictionary. But then, it makes for a better read.(Ai Yo, I becoming 'yellow' again) But hey, I like both my languages and my dialect. Will continue to work in these 2 langs and canto.

Oh oh almost forgot. This is an experimental Story. I know i bery long no write proper story liaoz, so this one is for those who waited. A bit abstract. Will seem like no flow at first.(Hint, hint!! EAsier to follow the flow if u follow the fatigue lvl of the narrator.) If still can't follow, means i'm really horrible at doing this and i wun attempt such weird writing style again.

The Running Man
We all live in silhouettes of yesterday. A time when our words jump right out and our deeds scream through the silence of our memories. No time to pause for thoughts during then so only memoirs of past laurels or sad regrets remain today. We don't recall why we do the things we do, just an emotional gap that is left. Words that pierce and deeds that burst, sometimes the pain lingers despite not remembering what happened. Just an emptiness that echoes in the silence of our memories.
I don't remember what happened in the past week or so. Heck, I don't even recall my name. I don't know how I got here, or even why am I in this place. I'm as weak as a kitten now with tubes and wires all strung around me. A single ward in a hospital which I know not where it is. All is still and that leaves me much peace to gather my thoughts. Scattered all around the corners of my mind, I don't seem to remember much. All are but fragments and pieces of a jigsaw with missing links here and there. The crucial ones, those that give the slightest hint of the complete picture, they are the ones that are missing. The silence interrupted in syncopation by the many beeps of the ECGs and EEGs, and also by drips and drops of IVs. As I gaze into the drips of saline solution that fall with a specific rhythm, the tempo leads me and I slowly recalled what happened. In fragments still that is, though they still make no sense, I'm sure that when the pieces are all there, I'll be able to see the picture.
A lady in a white nurse outfit enters. With a huge beaming smile that stretches from cheek to cheek, she bid me good morning. According to my little nightingale, I'd been asleep for a day. There was no ID on me when I was admitted, so my name is now John Doe. (You can call me J.D. for short) I'd been diagnosed with acute retrograde and also acute anterograde amnesia. In other words, my memory is not all its cracked up to be. Apparently, now I have problems with recall and also placing new items into my memory. They tell me that there is no physical cause for my case and that it could be a dissociative fugue, as if I know what that means. Ha ha, they can't even tell me in layman's terms because even if they did, I won't recall the moment something distracts me and it leaves my attention.

(Shock)I don't know how far I've come now, but my legs seem to be leaded like the shoes of divers. I can hardly lift each leg in front of the other. No reason have I left to carry on my journey to a destination I forgot. My breath feels short and shallow, rapid and yet its cycle is broken just like my steps which i stagger to keep moving. Like a drunk with a lethal dose of alcohol, I hobble along the path. I have no peace, feeling disturbed by an illusion that has faded. Shock at a mirage that is no longer seen. Its not anger i feel inside, there is hardly any adrenaline rush. My blood sugar level is almost depleted as my eyes gradually become bleary. A rush of emotions fill me, I am dismayed at something that was and has ceased to be in my mind. Am I losing my mind? Probably, I can't believe the most precious things in my life would have disappeared so quickly just like a flickering flame extinguishes at the slightest gust. Then again, what were those precious things. Dismayed at my ineptness at memory, I mean how can i forget what is most treasured in my heart, my reason for living each day, my source of strength that lifts me through the depths of the chasms before me. I'm not heartless, I just can't remember anything anymore. What is my name? My legs gave way and I collapsed completely dehydrated.

(denial)The pain in my leg seem to disappear, how far have I gone? They are still here, they have not disappeared like everyone says. My love, my darlingest, precious jewel that lights up the night sky, tey are all still here right. Like the moon that hangs in the night without fail with each passing day, the only exception being that of a lunar eclipse. Yeah, that's what it is, an eclipse. They were gone for just a short while and now they are back. I will never let them go. No way. I'll protect them with all my might. Pearls of perspiration gather at my brow until they form huge beads that trickle down my cheeks. They are not tears of sadness, just sweat of fatigue. Barely maintaining a cycle, my legs can hardly hear the beat. The concerto of the night continues playing despite a lousy musician being unable to keep up. It'll not be long before the music fails to cover it up and then all will fall apart. I don't believe a thing that is said at all. The journey carries on. I'm not tired, I'm just walking to recover.

(ANGER)Argh! @#$%^&! Stupid leg hurting after only a few kilometers. Everything is #$*(#^ falling apart. Stupid weather, where's the wind when you need it. Isn't it suppose to be night, then why does it feel like some #@%(* hot day. That lousy shrew said those crap to me and I took it lying down. Stupid woman, and she was suppose to be my better half.(Depression) Why didn't she stand by me when I needed her most? We may have lost plenty, but we had each other, now she's gone and left me alone. It just doesn't rain but pours. Bad luck comes in threes, you'll never believe all that has happened. We lost him and then I lost her. I thought we could hang in there if we were together, but we became selfish in our sorrows, we lost ourselves and each other. We railed at each other and then railings led to wailings. Losing him was more than I could bear, and now I've even lost her. The gloom travelled down to my legs, and they slow down their pace to play a slow samba on the ground.

(Acceptance)Its been a week since he died. He was my beloved brother. We loved him so though he had Lou-Gehrig's Disease. He was 21 and I was 27 when he passed. The illness has plagued him since he was 19. My wife and I watched him waste away as the days go by. I knew he would one day go and it would better be for him to go. However, though ill he was, he never was woebegone. Not a day departs without his beamers showing his teeth. Lighting up the otherwise melancholy house, so intense was his energy despite his muscular atrophy that we can't help but share his joy. His love for life let us believe in miracles. Now, he is gone. She left shortly not able to deal with the pain, back to her mother's place that is. I'm here all alone in the shadows. A week has past, and I feel his smile again. I can't sleep yet, think I'll go for a run.

We're all running from place to place. Without any specific destination, we continue deep into the depths of the night. We run away from our problems, towards our own Utopia. I'm feeling tired, time to stop running away and time to start running toward a better tomorrow.

Nice Songs

2007-05-10T00:17:00.000+08:00

Love these 2 songs lots. Eric Clapton's "Blue Eyes Blue" , Ray Charles and Diana Krall's duet "You don't know me" Juz Can;t Get enuff of them.
They are both on the mp3 plater below.
WARNING: THESE SONGS ARE QUITE EMOTIONALLY INTENSE, SO Listen and feel, Be touched.
They do stuff to me(Wun tell you what they do?!?)

You Don't Know Me
You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
Well you don't know me

No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
Cause you don't know me

For I never knew
The art of making love
(To all perverts out there, this means courtship,not what you think, so don't spoil my beautiful song with your filthy mind, Don't complain about the lyrics either.It's heart wrenching not filthy)
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy
I let my chance go by
A chance that you might love me too

You give your hand to me
And then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
Ooh, you'll never know
The one who loves you so
Well you don't know me

For I never knew
The art of making love
Though my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy
I let my chance go by
A chance that you might love me too

You give your hand to me
And then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away
Beside the lucky guy
Oh you'll never know
The one who loves you so
You don't know me
You'll never know
The one who loves you so
Well you don't know me

Blue Eyes Blue
I thought that you'd be loving me
I thought you were the one who'd stay forever
But now forever's come and gone
And I'm still here alone

'Cause you were only playing
You were only playing with my heart
I was never waiting, I was never waiting for the tears to start

It was you
Who put the clouds around me
It was you
Who made the tears fall down
It was you
Who broke my heart in pieces
It was you, it was you
Who made my blue eyes blue

Oh, Never should have trusted you

I thought that I'd be all you need
In your eyes I thought I saw my heaven
And now my heavens gone away
And I'm out in the cold

'Cause you had me believing
You had me believing in a lie
Guess I couldn't see it
Guess I couldn't see it till I saw goodbye

It was you
Who put the clouds around me
It was you
Who made the tears fall down
It was you
Who broke my heart in pieces
It was you, it was you
Who made my blue eyes blue

Oh, Never should have trusted you

' Cause you were only playing
You were only playing with my heart
I was never waiting
I was never waiting for the tears to start

It was you
Who put the clouds around me
It was you
It was you
Who put those clouds around me
It was you
Who made the tears fall down
Only you
Who broke my heart in pieces
It was you
It was you
Who made my blue eyes blue

oh, never should have trusted you
oh, never should have trusted you
oh, never should have trusted you
oh, never should have trusted you

HOLIDAYS ARE HERE TO STAY

2007-05-08T23:30:00.000+08:00

Still no story sorry, haha it rhymes. Anyways, played b ball with Ivan and Alvin in the morning. Was haha really fun. Too bad Ivan is still not fully recovered. His ankle and wrist still quite koyak. Anyway, played 1v1 with them both. Haha, I literally ran circles around them. Hehe, the insane madman is still capable of mad burst of speeds. Got blisters on foot though, boo hoo. We played HORSE, in the beginning i was winning with my reverse baseline layup and change-of-hands reverse layup. But then argh after i was losing badly. they slapped the board on layups, sumting that due to vertical problems i couldn't do. Also they shot behind the board, another thing i coulddn't boo hoo. In the end, despite winning the first H and O, i was the first out. HAha, Pride comes before a fall, a Haughty spirit before destruction. LAlalala. We played with some sec sch kids after. They still had their mid yr going on, too bad i holidays liao hahahaha.Anyways, we offered to mix cuz of obvious size and height diff. But they refuse, uhm in other words we bully ker chier. Wah seriously, we got almost all the rebounds, I ran circles around all their players and also intercepted all their passes. Ivan and Alvin eating them up in layups, I assist cuz i scared knock into the kids then they fly. Happens frequently in Soccer and B BAll when i running, heh heh, those in NS should rembr tat match with Falcon where i cuz their star player to fly haha. Not intentionally though. I so small size so light, juz too much momentum.

Oh Have been bored outta my mind this hols. Spent my first week waiting for an internship that still has no reply,(probably they forgot all about it). Haiz But NVM, after all i don't really need the money, juz wanna upz my resume. Anyway,see how lor maybe will take sum parttime job to ease boredom. Have been a "maria" for the past weeks. Haiz no one's gonna sweep the house no more if i dun. Oh Oh, bought some new reeds, wanted to buy individually, but then now they only sell by boxes,(very ex, also i dun like cuz i can't check on the reeds, sometimes 1 box only 1 will be good). NVm I now have 10 new reeds to play. those not good, I'll try to sand them or clip them, hopefully i got the skill to do so if not ruin a good reed hehe.
Have decided to dedicate plenty more hours to my wife. I feel so good cuz i oiled and polished her. Now she stands there all adorned in glitter, like a song in the dawn, how i long for her, haha. okok i noe bad rhyming again. Yupz My saxophone is now shiny and nice, though oily. some parts cant clean off the oil wan.
Will do some exercise to maintain my fitness. Uhm to all guys out there, STOP ASKING ME TO GO GYM. I DUN LIKE TO LIFT WEIGHTS, ITS A BORING WASTE OF TIME. I'M NOT IN CANOEING ANYMORE. DUN ASK ME TO RUN UNLESS U R PREPARED TO HANDLE THE SPEED OR DISTANCE I WANNA GO OR UNLESS U WANNA TALK. CUZ IF U DUN WANNA TALK AND WANT ME TO TRAIN U UP FOR IPPT, THEN U MUZ BE PREPARED TO ENDURE THE PUNIShMENT. GO THE DISTANCE AT THAT SPEED.TRY TO KILL YOURSELF BY RUNNING AND THEN U'll IMPROVE. of cuz if it hurts, pls stop, dun try and prove anything to me.
If u all wanna chio me b ball or soccer, I'll be there. Actually any sports would do.

Haiz i quite upset though i polished my wife, accidentally made a scratch while repairing one of the springs. Its not really noticable unless u look for it, but still haiz. She's my precious, my one and only. (ok actually i got 2 sax, 1 is a student model, the other a professional model, no i'm not a 2 hearted man. I only lavish all my attention on one, and no I'm not one who Happy New Hate Old. juz tat the student model is quite limited in the sound i can make, professional model more resonant and flexible.)

Dun tink i'll be leaving the country yet. Have 2 camps b to b in june. ACID camp (for MINDS) and then will be helping out in children's camp for church.(Nope, i'm not a Sunday School teacher, juz a very free person). After all, no matter how much things I have on, I'm always Free. ASK ME OUT

Now That's what I call Worship

2007-05-05T10:25:00.000+08:00

Worship to me is more than just singing of songs and clapping of hands. It is a lifestyle. Every single day how we live our lives, they are all important parts of worship and we should spend some time just saying "WOW". Worship is our response to God's grace upon our lives. It is our response not just in grattitude but also in awe. However, i believe that it is more than that. It is a 2-way dialogue with God. i don't know about the rest of you, but there are many times during worship when i just don't feel like it. Days when i feel so fatigued, when i don't even want to go to church(takes 45 min to get there, but still not a good excuse). Many times i lay in bed saying i'll skip church this week so in order to get some good rest. However, Thank God, i couldn't. Often 15 mins later, i'll chide myself and then tell myself how much more in times like this i'll need Him. Even at the entrance of church, prior to the service, i'll still be quite wasted. i'll say a little prayer to ask for a great worship despite being melacholic. And then although during the first few songs, i'll be forcing myself, after which the magic begins. He will show me his grace and then i'll be able to lift my hands, sing his praise and speack in tongues. It gets more and more intense and then after the entire service, voila no more woebegoned samuel.

Actually wanted to do this entry for some time. Attended cell for the first time yesterday,(actually they invited me half a year back when they were starting a book, now they have just finish) the topic shared upon was worship. Amazing cuz i'd been thinking about it for a week. Tis happens quite frequently so i noe its not be chance, also i can feel that it was all according to His purpose. Many times when i get lost, he will guide me in sermons, in casual talk with friends or even just the surroundings, more than just in the Book.
i'd been quite the sian with worship service for some time, and have lost the joy of it. I wonder what has happened to the church. i'm pentecostal btw, so suppose to be quite up wan. But everytime i see things so lethargic, i feel so sad. There used to be lots of speaking in tongues, prophesying, weeping, shouts of joy and even dancing in the spirit. Sounds quite weird right, but i assure u if u've seen it u noe its from the Lord and not some unorthodox belief. However, as time goes by, people became more and more reserve. No longer do all these things occur, but also people stop singing, stop clapping. When i play for service, i look around and just see that there is no joy. I got quite upset, i even contemplated changing church.(but u all noe that that is not what i'd do. Those in NS with me, u all noe i can't just don't do anything about it.)

Last Sun i played for service. Prior to that we had a practice on Saturday. The practice was simply amazing. It took 2 and a half hours juz to go through the songs twice. In the band, i'm the one with the weakest technical abilities due to an inability to read chords or notes.( will spend some time learning this hols) Usually i play by ear. However what was amazing was tat, we got into an intense worship even at the first two songs,(which usually is quite weak due to needing warm up). The pianist(Dotz), drummer(Thomas), Guitarists(Jon, Champion and Brendan) and me(Samuel). We just played on and on. It was really amazing. I was like waaa-waa-waa on my Sax. Then had some time improvising during free worship. My fingers were flying all over the pads and my airjust kept coming though my lips were tired. Usually when my lips grow tired, i have a tendency to lao hong. It was just worshipping. Nothing else matters then, we just wanted to praise God and give Him the Glory he deserve. It was a very intense annointing. Tears flowed, some spoke in tongues, we just declared the wonders of his Grace. It was really one that brings joy and satisfaction to the soul. When u worship, u can feel it deep within, the 'mmmmm' feeling. It comes when u speak in tongues, when u raise your hands, when u shout his praise and when u just meditate and enjoy his presense.

From then, i realised that i myself have lost the joy in worship for so long. Mainly because i became so caught up with things that do not really matter. I became proud. I'd fail to see that what is important is how i worship not how others around me do. Once self-conscious, i see things that prevents me from doing what i desire to. And as such, i became focus on all the wrong things and couldn't worship from my heart.

samuel's Fables

2007-05-02T13:13:00.001+08:00

It's been a long time since i wrote a story. Can't help it, studying takes away allthe precious brain sap. Well, been having lots of great ideas throughout the sem, but juz tat most dun have a good plot so can't develop into a nice story. Tis time around, have decided to write sumting short first while i recollect my thoughts. After all, to be a spin doctor, i need to spin tales which means i need to be a good wool-gatherer.(argh totally bad pun)

The Bulldog and the Poodle

A bulldog and a poodle were going for a stroll by the trees in the greens of the park. From opposite directions they came, each led in hand by their owner, an evening saunter to ease the day's blues. Through the paths and around the bushes, stopping at each tree and lamp post to release their mark of dominance. Whilst doing so, the two came to meet by a tree not far from the path. Barking and yelping, their humans stood in wonder what the two were speaking. Words of wisdom beyond comprehension, soothsayings that could be the key to bliss. A pity it is that we shall never know.

“You are such an ugly dog, I wonder what your human sees in you. Wrinkles all around and drools abound, but then as they say “Love is Blind”. A blunder he must have made when he showers his affection on you.”, says the poodle in its pompous manner.

“Well, you are right in saying as such. But a little sound advice I offer, beauty within last a lifetime, beauty that's seen last only as time sighs. I may be ugly with my droopy skin and such, but my human loves me all the same, and my affection I offer in abundance to him. If he loves me for how I look, for my ugly exterior, he'll only love me more as time goes by. Whereas for you, treasure this season of youth you have. Like a flower past its bloom, your beauty will fade swiftly. What will then be of you, when the very thing he loves is gone. He'll find another to shower his love and then your newfound misery will plague you for the rest of your life.”

The Siamese and the Shetland Sheepdog

A Siamese cat creeps by the window and a Shetland Sheepdog barks. A show of power by the dog as the cat ducks. If you've seen a Shetland, you'd know that it is always smiling.

After a while, the commotion dies down. The cat said to the dog, “What are you so excited about?”

“I'm sorry I thought my owner has return. I love him so and am waiting for a time of play and such.”

“Well, does he love you as much as you love him? If not, why do you still rejoice?”
“I'm sure he does if not more. Even if he doesn't, I cant help but love him more.”

“Well I see you lavishing all your affection for him. But all these times, while I peer through this window, I see right through your soul. You love him more than life itself, but he does not share the same sentiments.”

“Well, I don't see myself as noble as you deem me to be. Even if it's not reciprocated, I will still save all my love for him. Even if at the end of the day, he chooses to shower his love on another, all I desire is to see him smile. That smile that last forever in my head will cause me to smile too. Another reason why I'm always happy. No matter how hard life may seem, I'm happy to see him happy. Does it matter why I show him much attention? I want to be happy and as such I'd do all to make him happy."

Murphy's Law on Friday The 13th HAhahaha

2007-04-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

i went to SGH after lessons today to do an MRI on my head. yeah yeah need to noe what's wrong with my head that makes me act the way I am. NO lar LOL, i was a lab rat for a psych exp. Wanted to go cuz tot it'll be a new experience. Yeah, i tot it'll be quite cool to go under the big magnet, haha. Sry, it's my ting, i like to try out new stuff and play with big noisy toys(heh heh like in Army, My BX), well some guys dig cars, some guys clothes, some guys alcohol and the worst guys are chao buayas, the see ti(long vowel here)ko(diphthong)s of sg, the scum of them all, haha the list can go on forever.

well, anyways back to the point, yepz i was really excited about it. but then when i reached there, clear sky thunder(ok chinese phrase here), i was not allowed. I was given a screening form, then from there i realised that i failed, I had a head trauma before, i asked Dr Hon, but still no go. Well for those NS guys, u remember what happened. For the rest of you, it's on a need to know basis hahahahaha.(well if u ask nicely, heh heh). SO was really upset lor, go all the way there then can't try big toy. Wah but nvm was quite a learning experience still.

Well, y murphy's law leh, cuz since i can't Dr hon need backup subj, so he called a staff there to be lab rat haha. Wellz, when they fin prep him, glasses headgear and all, when he's in da chamber doing 1st scan, they realise he is colour blind and also fail the requirements(diaoz so stringent). I chatted with the other guy and Dr Hon and his RA then after, while they summon the next challenger. LOL, to show what a coincidence this is, the other guy who failed also named Sam. LOLOLOLz

Whilst chatting, found out that Dr Hon got some back pain probably due to running, so gave him some advise from Samuel's book of 'lessons learnt the hard way' and how to remedy it. Heh heh student lecturing lecturer.okok go b to pt now

THe third guy who came in qualified, but then Murphy's law still applies here. Heh heh he took quite a long time to prep so Dr Hon was quite pissed. After which, His brain too big can't fit nicely into the screen hahaha. we made a few jokes here and there. When finally settled, Dr Hon not happy with that guy's response, quite slow, haha mess up data. He said should have just put me in sia.LOL. Well after which, as an observer, i got my free lesson on MRI and his study. Saw the data output, the imaging from the machine and such.

Wellz the experiment was suppose to pay 50 bucks, but i rejected it. Dr Hon insisted i take since i came all the way, and he can claim form his dept. But then, i told him it's not abt the money or my time. I wanted to play the Big MAgnet. Ai yar, its a learning experience lar. I turn him down saying i'd feel terrible taking money for doing nothing, i didn't contribute to his data. Even if i did, i dun tink i'll take also. My backbone is still the unbendable. Stupid ritez, i tink so too, but at least i feel good. I dun becuz of 5 bags of rice bend back(another horrible translation of a chinese phrase) u noe

WA HAHAHAHAHAHHA

Amazing Sax and Much more Beautiful than that Holding hands

2007-03-31T19:11:00.000+08:00

samuel is embarassed to say that she is really really really good. Its really really beautiful. if only i can play like tat. i mean ok the most of it is normal, but her solo was wow. listen to the growl and subtoning, its not easy to ctrl and also not easy to put into the right place. Really fantastic. You can just fall in love listening to this. I know I have haha.

This is really cute, and then really touching when they hold hands again. its one of those 'awwwwwww' moments

Ballet of the Skies

2007-03-30T09:29:00.000+08:00

Was with Dawn when this inspiration hit. After having lunch with her, we were walking back to class, this was when we saw 2 birds perched on a branch, beautiful fowl(bird not chicken) they were, they were chirping melodiously and seem very happy. They did a little number between the leaves, flying in harmony as if it was a ballroom. haha 3d ball room more space. And again later while walking down the stairs, we saw another 2 birds doing the same. For both encounters, u see an idiot me juz standing there, blurred out, and looking nodding at each comment. But actually I'm really appreciating the moment, juz tat like most guys, we have a serious inability to display anything. Oh dear, i juz said that i'm inept. So i juz stood there like without a sound or anything. But really, I'm juz awed at the beauty of it. Since can't express otherwise, i'll do it the only way i noe how, in words. Anyways most of my ballad pieces about Song and Dance. This is because i tink tat when a couple are together, songs and dances would be the most beautiful ting to portray them together. Also, all these juz in my head only, i'm still single, haha. Still unattached, so ladies leave a number. haha kidding only lar, i not so buay yau bai or buaya(alligator) .Xp bleah!!

Bird Song

Oh, what a delight!
To have you by my side.
As we both take flight,
our dance of marvel begins.
Perched upon a branch of hope,
Our feet touch each another's.
Feathers flutter and bright lights sparkle.
The Tango of the skies above.

Just like the Gemini Stars above,
You know I'll never be far from you.
With you, I soar like an eagle.
With you, I'll sing our song.
Chirping along with me,
You join me in the chorus.
Voices warble and leaves rustle.
The Song of You and Me.

Flying between the leaves,
Bashfully you try to hide from me.
I'll always search for you,
I'll always be beside you.
Even when the winds grow strong,
Even when the Sun is gone.
Feathers will flutter, voices will warble.
Our song, we'll sing forever.

Someday when spring is gone,
No song will I sing any longer.
Until spring returns and you're here with me,
a thousand Summers will I wait.
The rain will come again,
The Winds will blow ever so.
My song I'll sing with you,
and we'll tango in the skies above.

This photo of YCK outing to National Museum. juz tot it'll be nice to like add a slice of my life in.

Cured, no longer EMo

2007-03-24T12:22:00.000+08:00

Funny thing, was only upset for a day. Strange thing that when we lose sight of what is beautiful, what is meaningful, we grow so upset. even stranger is that, when we pray and ask of Him to show us back the marvels in our lives, he does it instantly. In everything so subtle, we would begin to see the beauty. Had this idea in school, but couldn't write it then. Lotsa restrictions. Anyways, since the idea is there and the motivation still fresh. I can still write it at home. Voilà, samuel's next masterpiece, his pièce de résistance. I am like a super buay yau bai lor, but i dun care. Meanwhile, hope u'd enjoy tis as much as i enjoyed writing it.

Btw my leg really hurts now, i did suicidal thing again. Went running yesterday long dist despite injuring my calf during swimming on Thurs. Got a severe cramp then and was in the middle of the pool, so hadda endure til the end of the lap to stretch, but cramp too long liao so injured. Then during running, hahahahaha, i ran til the pain is gone, until around 6k, then my feet hurt, ankle can't take the punishment no more. But still heck and ran til no more pain, then pain again, then no more pain again. Manage to fin the 15k i set myself. REalised me legs can't take as much punishment as last time but hey, I dun care. lalalala

The Songstress
In a Lovely Gown that flows from above,
With long tresses that whisper in the wind,
A Beautiful warble fills the atmosphere.
With each note that is carried,
with each chord that sings,
I'm drifting far into paradise.

The magic in the song,
The enchantment of the siren.
A thousand ships would sink just to hear her voice.
A gorgeous Diva she is,
like a Goddess to be worshiped from afar,
I dare not lift my eyes to her.

Her song of fantasy,
of fairy tales that's yet to be,
It makes my every soul rejoice.
I love her more with each tune.
Spellbound, mesmerised and lost,
Lulled into an eternal bliss I am.

Her gentle smile and winsome chatter,
Her vivacious personality and so much more.
All these pale to what her song is.
I peered into her eyes and marveled at the vision.
So delicate a beauty,
I'll protect her with all my might.

No matter what the cost,
No matter what the pain,
All I desire is for her to sing and smile.
I'll give everything to keep that precious beam of sunlight.
So much so that nothing else matters.
Her song, her smile. They'll always be precious to me.

Speechless

2007-03-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

Super Emo Day.Had a quiet lunch, how do you even brighten someone's day when you yourself is drained? Went swimming today, Been thinking lots. Some petty squables after, some history revived. Shocked, stunned, appalled, dismayed, astonished, astounded, dumfounded, dismayed. I swallowed a thesaurus, and yet utterly speechless again. Sometimes, our or ppl's words bring back memories of past trauma. Things we thought we have released, but pain sometimes remains. For the entire day, all i've gathered is this. Can't say I', satisfied with this, nor can i say anything resolved. In the end, still have to face everything. Wow it's been more than a month of cyclothymia, I think i muz c a shrink soon.

Speechless
Two people side by side,
two sides of a table they sat.
Two cups of half-drunk tea there,
No conversation exchanged.
No words flowed, nothing spoken.
A peculiar sight if you may,
But still silence fills the air.

The breath of zephyr blows through,
Like silk it caresses so.
Carrying with it the fragrance
of half-drunk tea.
Though the tea is now finish,
Still its aroma lingers,
Like lost conversation it stays.

Words not exchanged between two souls,
Yet a thousand emotions felt.
Like a river flowing fast,
Carrying with it memories past,
The silence sweeps through .
So much was spoken, so little said.
Now in the silence, more to tell.

Sitting still, they still speak not.
No senseless banter, No teasing done.
No more chewing the fat today.
No more enjoying each other's company.
The wind kisses them goodbye.
Friends and yet no words come by.
Distance grow and they leave without a sigh.

Phantom Of the Opera

2007-03-20T21:47:00.000+08:00

Watched Phantom Of the Opera (movie) on ch5 last Sun, wah really nice. Especially the song, All I Ask Of You. Wun watch the musical when it comes, cuz no one to watch it with. And no way, i really mean NO WAY I'll watch tis alone or with another guy. The song really will melt you wan. In fact, if the Girl for me sing tis to me and mean each and every word, i'll probably just collapse and crumble unto my knees sia. She'll totally wrap me around her fingers.

"Say you love me every waking moment,

Turn my head with talk of summertime

Say you need me with you, now and always

Promise me that all you say is true"

Any ways here's the full song.

RAOUL:
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -
My words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
Let daylight dry your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you,
To guard you and to guide you...
CHRISTINE:
Say you love me every waking moment,
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you, now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you...
RAOUL:
Let me be your shelter,
Let me be your light.
You're safe. No one will find you
Your fears are far behind you
CHRISTINE:
All I want is freedom,
A world with no more night
And you, always beside me,
To hold me and to hide me...
RAOUL:
Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Let me lead you from your solitude
Say you need me with you here, beside you
Anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine, that's all I ask of you...
CHRISTINE:
Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
Say the word and I will follow you
BOTH:
Share each day with me, each night, each morning
CHRISTINE:
Say you love me...
RAOUL:
You know I do...
BOTH:
Love me, that's all I ask of you
Anywhere you go let me go too
Love me, that's all I ask of you...

Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption

2007-03-18T01:30:00.000+08:00

I just finish watching 'The Shawshank Redemption' on chn 5 sat moviehouse. Gotta say that is one heck of a show. If anything i really recommend it manz. Got Morgan Freeman acting so u noe its good. It ain't some arty farty super chim show. Its abt prison life. Won't spoil the rest of the show for u all, but trust me go watch it and be awed. "Fear can hold you prisoner. Hope can set you free" from the show. Oh Really fantastic story telling and twist super unexpected wan. even more crooked than most of my stories.
It was adapted from a Stephen King short story ,'Rita Hayworth and Shawshank Redemption'. Nope it ain't no horror or thriller, just some really heartwarming story. This guy really writes some wicked stuff, it's really really good.(wicked here used meaning as really good not mean-spirited) His stories are really amazing, some much better than his novels. SUmmore i only noe 2 good ones, "The Green Mile" starring Tom Hanks, and this show. Ok " Dreamcatcher" really bites, it stinks in my opinion so that one not counted.
To all film watchers, not juz buffs, cuz i also dun really watch shows wan. Shawshank Redemption, go Watch it. I gonna hunt for the DVD and buy it soon. NItez all you readers of tis blog, no matter how few that is

B day Special

2007-03-15T22:49:00.001+08:00

Today is my birthday LALALA LALALA.
Amazing day it was. It all started in the morning. A phone call i received, a song i heard instantly. A voice to brighten my day, A Joy that never ceases. Looking up above, Clear skies for always. It means a lot.
Many things happen today sia. Met Dr Why on way to school and talked to him. He is actually quite a nice person and really weird to see Lecturer and student chat machum like frens like tat. Dun noe why everyone else in Psych dun like him. Really, if u actually talk to him, u'll realise that people are more than what they appear to be.
After which went for lecture on Cog psych, Yeps It's the last lecture already so fast rite. Next week test, then no more topics left.hahaha so fast fin. Manage to mak a nonsense answer during the lecture, lalalala. DUn care,not happy arh call police lor lalalallaa.
After which, i met Seung Hoon. Funny thing, he bo tai bo ji call me wonder where i am. And we both happen to be at the Forum. Talked for around 1 and half hr. Wah really kou chang qi bi sai sia. Then, met up with Dawn. Hey gal, thx for letting me send u. I noe i bery the annoying but hey dun care sia, lalalalala. U da best. Chatted all the way, then after which went home. Sleep then Feast EAt Cake and watch TV. XP No work done today woooo hoo. actually no, I did the posthoc test for proj, but dun count tat, i manage to shoot my day Yeah.
Thx everyone for making it special. The magic of it all is always in the subtle things that you do, that is wat makes it extra special. What ever is beautiful, make it even more so.

Anyways composed tis poem. Again dun fit context wan or mood for tat matter. Anyways tot of it on way to school. To all single ppl(including me) out there, that special one is there, just keep looking it'll happen when its least expected. In the meantime, just enjoy.

Single
A single leaf falls from the tree,
carried by the wind it dances gracefully.
Caressing the ground,
it makes no sound.
The falling leaf which no one knows,
No one cares

A single drop of rain from above,
swiftly it falls from a great height beyond.
Splashing hard,
It breaks apart.
No one felt it falling,
No one knows it did.

A single bird dies alone,
Rapidly its life ends as it knocks into a window.
So beautiful and delicate,
so fast its demise.
No one saw it happen,
No one wonders why.

A single tear rolled down your cheeks,
Silently it flowed without any cry.
The sadness you felt,
The agony of it all.
No one saw it happen,
No one cares at all.
But I do,
Every tear that falls,
Every cry in despondence,
I see them in your eyes,
I won't walk away.
I'll be here always,
A hanky in my hand,
A shoulder there for you.
Your tenderness within
fills me up inside,
My sole purpose is
to dry those eyes of yours.
When no one else cares,
You're all that matters to me.

What Does It Mean To Be A Christian??!!

2007-03-13T23:33:00.000+08:00

This is another one of my' What Does It Mean To Be a Christian?' blogs. Actually, this qn differs from the one i keep asking myself, which is 'What does it mean to Love God in all i do?'.
Last sat, i participated in a evangelistic b ball comp. i went juz expecting to have fun. Actually i got what i wanted but from another source instead. the games were quite rough as if most streetball games with no proper ref. sry Ivan, u noe wat i mean not say i shoot u haha juz tat u 1 ref cant c all. i took quite a lot of blows, charges and hits. but what i really thank God for is tat i didn't lose my cool and retaliate. If it had been some time ago, i probably would have gone berserk as i was bery easily angered then. It truly is God's grace that someone like me, can now like have high tolerance, dun noe how it happened.
But the real miracle was not this. I have been quite low-spirited ever since like V dae. Some memo juz cum b to haunt me. then one memo lead to another and another. Somehow though i managed to stand up thru the pain, they juz come b every now and then like some freak. Also, during a sat b4 i didn't really had a good session at MINDs. i was asked to look after another kid then. previously though other volunteers had problems, the kid was usually a little pleasant when i took care of him. thus my PD asked me to take care of him then. He was ok and quite good mood, that is until his parents left. wah then he suddenly throw tantrum. Was having a bad cold then also. At first, i tried all methods to pacify him. wah then suddenly becuz of the flu, i realli no energy liaoz. he didn't participate in most of the activity. I prayed fervently that God would give me strength, not to lose my cool, and also most of all that no matter wat happens he would be happy again. Again, i tried pacifying him, with the help of another volunteer, we manage to get him to do arts and craft. Thankfully, help came soon. His usual volunteer came and she manage to turn his frown into a smile. I really thank God for answering my prayers.

Well,was saying that i found what i needed in the b ball game. it really amazes me how He works. The beauty of it is that it is so subtle it's hard to see. But then it juz comes and then suddenly ur life changes direction. I suddenly found myself really joyful (i'm serious, this is like so sudden that if it were not due to Him, that means i got some psych prob, maybe cyclothymia or Bipolar). What was the magic done? he showed me the Pastor's kid(going 3, really really cute) Aww, he is like so easily amused, so happy so filled with the joy and love promised. I spent the rest of the day playing with him. Amazing how God managed to put the joy back in me in just like, i dun noe, an instant? Instant;y, everything became beautiful again.

What does It mean to be A Christian? It means that at the end of the day, no matter how hard things get, He is up there in control of it through it all. It means that He would bless you though you don't see it, He would always hold your hand and comfort you.
Many times in our lives, we don't see the beauty in things. We lose hope. We use our own power and ways to try and get things done. Even faithful people who serve in various ministries, we fail to seek God in our thoughts and deeds, prefering to rely on our own strength. But we are human, our strength has a limit. We ain't no superman. We get stress and blame God for not being there when things fail. And when things go well, we say it's all due to our efforts. We don't give God the Glory. As a result, as time goes by, hearts harden. Eyes turn blind, ears deafen and even our touch becomes numb. We no longer feel God's presense in our lives. We lose heart, we wonder why issit that we serve at all. We wonder if he is there.
I tell you the truth, i too stumbled. But now i see, through it all He is always there for me. He always guides me by his hand. Even at times when i didn't seek him, he was there. He gave without me asking. In NS, he was there for me. How do I know this? i always wondered where my source of strength and joy comes from. how issit that i manage to enjoy doing things that i would otherwise hate. how issit that i feel so refresh at the end of each trial. Someone was there to help me.
If even at times when we dun seek, He is there, how much more so if we seek?
I never believe in chance, the timing of many things in my life is just too perfect. If by chance, stats put significance at .05 meaning 1 in 20 due to chance, but if it's always, it has to be the work of Someone out there looking out for me.
How do i noe it's Him and no one else? I sought God and wanted to make my life right with Him again after a long time. Immediately, i felt His presense in my soul. Through my very being, i juz knew it was Him all along. When i worship, He fills me. When i read His word, He teaches me. In everyday living, He shows me His word in action. i read the Bible, but many times i dun understand, then suddenly w/o any warning, He always show me what it means in simple things in everyday living. Truly, it is by grace. I live each day by his grace. The main thing i see is the rapid transformation he did in me. I didn't see this til people pointed it out to me. Thank You Lord for everything.

Remember

2007-03-08T20:23:00.000+08:00

Actually, don't know why i suddenly want to write, cuz i tot would be some time b4 i actually do so. but then suddenly got the feel. esp since now so many deadlines and muz study for all the test. Well, met up with my senior canoeing captain yest. So much has changed this 4 years. Our thinking, our physique(yeah we all super sum por now).
Well still suffering from cold, got it by being stupid. went running after reaching home after helping out in Arts bazaar immediately. summore was after rain, so super cold and tired still go running.
Have been griping lots about El test. Well actually i tink i overdid it haha cuz i succeeded in annoying everyone around me, Yeah score.. Anyways, not tat i actually bother, cuz if i can do well for the previous wan, a retest wouldn't hurt 1 bit. If u r chai means u r chai(haha super bhb). Remember I am the 31zulu( those with me in NS, u noe exactly wat tis means), lalala. Have to carry on my legacy.
Anyway wanted to write this poem for a long time, juz deelee dalee til now. A few weeks back, was chewing fat with a fren on bus. Was joking about her forgetting me in 3 months(though i think it true=(. Anyway this is for her, if she still remembers.( no pun intended)

Remember

Remember, remember, the times of October,
The joys of the days so cavalier.
Children laughing, birds singing.
Youth knows no sorrow,
No burden they bear.
Those were such happy days,
Always remember the times of rejoicing.

Remember, remember, the days of November,
The struggles of life so heavy.
Holding on together,
We soar like great Albatrosses.
Those were the days we stood together,
Always remember the days of struggles.

Remember, remember, the days of December,
The sorrows of the days, so lonesome it was.
We love so many, yet lose so much.
The pain of love tearing the heart.
The days of tears, the days of yonder,
Always remember the years of pain.

Remember, remember these three months I will.
So much has happened, so much was said.
Times of happiness, times of jubilation.
The tears flowing like water draining from the sink.
A clockward spiral that never ceases.
Time would make memory a decadence.
Do you still remember me these three months,
or like the wind memories of me have long gone past?
Forget you not always I will.

Lalala

2007-03-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

Its been quite some time since i last had an entry, think it'll be even longer before i write again. Much to study, tis sem muz push cap up so that next sem i can take funny mods again(hahaha). Am reading Much Ado About Nothing, Shakespeare, for proj. Have never been much of a fan for Shakespeare Romance. Though they are nice and quite romantic, but his notion is diff from mine. Take Much Ado About Nothing, if i was Hero, i most certainly would not have married Claudio, for he is a real jerk. What type of man go accusing his love of being impure on the day of their wedding, dishonouring her in front of the masses. He has no trust, no faith in her. He never did respect her or even to clear things before his actions. So temperamental, so emotional, kaoz. Even a MCP like me also comment him tat means he really CMI jia lat wan. HAHA Dun really like R&J either haha. The only few i can tahan is Merchant of Venice and As You Like It. Prefer Dicken's Romance, closer to my ideal romance hahaha. But dun ask me abt them i forgot liaoz haha. Well dun expect anything here for some time, at least til i complete my assignments

Valentine's Day

2007-02-14T17:02:00.000+08:00

To everyone out there with someone, Happy Valentine's Day. This post is not for you, haha juz kidding. Well, as promised, this is my post on Valentine's Day. I'm part of the bleeding lonely hearts club, so u know what to expect. This day is one of the most confusing day of all. On one side, you have the happy ppl, on the other, you have the "leave me alone" ppl. I don't know where I belong, seeing other ppl happy, I also happy. Knowing I dun have "someone" there, I also "leave me alone". I like things that are beautiful, so I hope i can continue to see the happiness that will uplift my spirits. Though alone, with a constant bombardment of reminders, I hope i won't be miserable, and that i'll bounce back up with my zany personality again.

Valentine's Day

Today is valentine's day. All along the streets, lovers stroll hand in hand. The ladies carry a bouquet of roses given by their beloved. The men carry with them the smile of pride and joy. The streets are filled with jubilation. Sighs of love can be heard a mile away. However, with so many lovers , with so many romances, a single soul wanders the streets alone.

With no mate and no partner, no friends and no lovers, this one soul ventures far deep within the city. The scintillating stars and mesmerising street lights do little more than taunt this one poor soul. Still without a care of his pain, he carries on searching for the love of his life. Couples block the boulevard as they impatiently await their seats for their reservations. He creeps between them unnoticed. Not even one eye from the throngs of lovers left their partners to feel pity for him. Even if they did, he couldn't be bothered. Their sympathy is the last thing he needs, it would only rub salt into his lacerated heart.

Music flood the air, and adds to the romantic ambiance. Lovers, still with their hands intertwined, sigh at the ballads played. Love is in the air indeed. Passion, intimacy and companionate love all combined in a lovely consummation. A rhapsody in harmony, perfect in melody, if you heard the music of Valentine's day, you too will be enchanted by its beauty. That one soul, lost in the tempo, lost in the rhythm, only sighs as he thinks how wonderful it is. He turns to see the source of the music: Baskers playing on their instruments. The marvel of the music is how they can convey so much in its single octave.

Peering into the restaurants, he sees the wonder of it all. Wine and roses, by a candlelit table, Violinist in suits serenading to the couples. The dim lighting makes him feel weak and vulnerable. How beautiful it is to be loved and to love. Nothing in this world as sweet as two people lost in each other's saccharine smile. He was totally immersed in the loveliness of it all that is until he was chased away from the window. Apparently, he was making some of the customers uncomfortable. Perhaps, lovers lost in their happiness do not want to see a despondent soul.

He carried on with his wandering, stopping by a florist. So much lovely flowers there( much not many because what is said through a flower is uncountable) that he stood in awe. Bouquets of roses, of tulips, daffodils, of camellias and violets, so much more in fact. The bedazzling colours, the sweet smells and of course the delicate petals, all these speak of a love so true.

He had loved but he lost. It could have been so good, but she went away with another. Like many a men who lived, he couldn't express his love. Not through flowers and gifts, not through kind deeds and words, inexperienced and confused, he only stood there watching as he gave the best thing in his life away. His happiness was not to be, not until her happiness he saw fulfilled. Still, though he saw her happiness, he lost the greatest part of him.

Into a park he wandered, far from where he started, in fact it was in the fringe of the city already. So lost, he wandered aimlessly; so tired, he dragged his feet. Where is the objective of his roads, which destination he does not know. In the park, late at night, all around were lovers whispering sweet nothings to one another, others had their hands busy with you know what. Disgusted, he walked pass these people, right across the park. The wind sings a lovely ballad, only to tear his heart further. The rustling leaves above, the twinkling skies above, oh what a sight to behold, if only he had stopped to looked at them.

Just when he was so lost in his sorrow, he heard the resounding cry that thundered across the streets. “Brown, there you are! Oh, where have you been? Its been three days since you've gone. Oh, how I miss you so. Don't ever leave me again.”

This soul, no longer lonely and sad, salivated all over his owner's face with a love and joy that not even the lovers today could have.

Well, through so many years, Brown, you were always there for me. Though now you are gone, still in my heart u'll remain. All the times I was sad, u were there with those eyes that peer into my soul, you understand me and comfort me. No one could have the empathy u have. I love you Brown. Sorry Sparky, you can't replace him.
A tribute to Brown ( My best dog from 1994-2002)

2007-02-07T20:29:00.000+08:00

Have changed the background music to suit the season. This song is dedicated to all lovers and couples. Also to the precious people in my life. Nope, i still don't have a girlfriend but sometimes it's more precious than that. Well, I love this song. Its really beautiful. It says so much with its words, so expressive. Oh btw, for people out there who cant hear the music, you'll need to dl quicktime pluggin.

More than the greastest love the world has known

This is the love I'll give to you alone

More than the simple words I try to say

I only live to love you more each day.

More than you'll ever know

My arms long to hold you so

My life will be in your keeping

Waking, Sleeping, laughing , weeping.

Longer than always is a long long time.

But far beyond forever you'll be mine

I know I never lived before and my heart is very sure

No one else could love you more.

I know I never lived before and my heart is very sure

No one else could love you more...

End of Jan

2007-01-29T21:52:00.000+08:00

Have decided to delete previous post. The flow of the story is totally not there at all. Can't think of ways to improve it. Still blank in head. Think i'll stop writing for a while to refresh myself and also to improve my style. Have been writing so much in 1st person a bit sianz. Maybe time to change style again. Wonder if I should colour my writings. So far, have been writing with little description. So far, have been trying to engage rather than lose ppl in words. Well, will stop to read more books then. Hopefully got new inspirations. But V'day I confirm will commend wan, cuz sour grapes.

Solo Sax
Night,
a tranquil slumber silences all.
All quiet but one sound.
A solo Saxophone plays,
A mellow sound through the hollow night.
Lift me up oh song of the night.
Drown me in your melody.
No sorrow should I remember,
No tomorrows do I worry for.
Bring me to neverland
Just as Peter Pan brought Wendy.
Shoot the moon with your thrills.
Paint the skies with your turns.
With your riffs and your tempo,
Vertical and Horizontal,
Spin me by your fingers,
As you caress each key gently.
Gentle breaths to float me by.
Be it bebop or ballads,
Be it funk or jazz.
The solo saxophone plays on,
like a brush on a canvas.
Colours fill the night.

Time Goes By

With Time Life grows,
Waters vaporise and condense to clouds.
Clouds burst forth and showers the Land
A frail sapling receives its nourishment.
With Time it grows to be the greatest of trees.

With Time strength is formed,
A gentle trickle splits a rock,
A slow river cuts its bays to meanders.
A splash of the sea forms a cave.
With time meekness becomes might.

With Time all is destroyed,
Metals rust and lands crumble.
Things grow old and lose their power.
Silver tarnishes and loses its worth.
Time is stronger than all combined.
A tyrant with no mercy at all.
Forcing its subjects to bow before.
Nothing stronger and nothing defies it.
Nothing that is not until me.
Refusing to bow refusing to submit.
Resisting its effect,
I won't face the truth.
But You,
A lifetime of wonder,
A tulip past its bloom.
Withering away from your splendor.
Life quickly fading,
I'll miss you.

3rd week and miffed

2007-01-26T23:11:00.000+08:00

well ppl sry, no shorts or prose tis time rd. Been on a drought. Brain juiced completely drained. But HEy I finally changed the music. Cuz mr Chew Hew Sheng made multiple complains about the music HAHAHA. Sry Dudu i needa gripe haha.
Actually tis entry is a gripe entry. I was quite disturbed today during my SE1101E lecture, by some comments made by ppl sitting behind me. They stated that they were Christians and during the lecture were making snide remarks about other cultures in Southeast Asia. Stating that they are satanic and such.
Ok, I wouldn't disagree that from a Christian point of view that it is true that they are not worshipping the God who gave his only son for us. But seriously, the damage by that statement is something that is of real concern in our lives.
I am a proud to proclaim that I am a christian, that i have been saved. I want all my friends around me to share this joy I have. But if I go around making statements like this, I won't have any left very soon. I know I am not the ideal image that should be portrayed. I know that I do many things that are wrong, but I thank God each day that he refreshes me and by his grace all are forgiven and that I learn to be more like him each day.
I have been quite judgemental in my words and I seek the forgiveness of those around me that i have hurt.
A question I have always asked myself. What does it mean to be A christian? I have been attending church for more than a decade. But that does not amount to anything. In my life, many of my friends said that Christians are hypocrites, that we say one and do another. THat we live according to a code that is just an image. so many are pushed away instead. Why do we as Christians not show love to our brothers and sisters, but instead live our lives as if we are a Priviledged class. Have we forgotten that It is by grace that we are saved and not by works, so that none may boast. If we have anything to boast, it shall be of this grace and of our God. Will not quote but sumwhere in Romans and Corinthians. I am not really an ideal christian. I have fallen and done many things that I am not proud of. In the army, I cursed and swear, even fight. I stopped going to church for a long time then under an excuse that I am too tired. Church became a chore for me, I failed to see the joy in worship. Today, I am building back my christian life, a little a day. I sincerely hope that my friends around me will see a transformation in me that is not of myself but of Christ in me. That they too will experience Christ in their lives and experience the joy that is within.
I know in the Bible it says that we should not be mixed with sinners lest we fall. However, it also says to show love and care to the "Gentiles". Reach out to them. Christ came for us while we are still sinners, to save us all, first the "Jews" and then the "Gentiles". The spiritually "circumcised" is what we should become. That when anyone is in Christ, he is a new being. Faith, hope and love, the greatest of which is Love. I want people to know that Christianity is about love, not discrimination. That it is by Grace. That the more sin, the more grace(I'm not asking u all to go sin more to experience more grace-- that would be hypocritical)
That We are all the same in Christ. That Christians and none-Christians are all the same. That as Christians, we are blessed to have experience grace and that we should humble ourselves to share the love and grace that has been showered upon us.

Sry if i have sounded a bit critical in this blog. I'm not shooting anyone cuz if so I'd be shooting myself, cuz i'll be judging then.HAHA. Oh I dun really quote verses cuz I can't rembr where they are from.( toldya I'm not ur ideal christian)
Well That's all I have to say today.

Invisible Maniac

2nd Week of school

2007-01-16T23:37:00.000+08:00

This is the 2nd week of school. am quite happy with the mods i get and my tut slots. El seems pretty interesting and frankly psych is starting to bore. Will see my grades this sem to see which to major in cuz personally wanted to do a double but practically i dun tink i can. Gd ting got tis verse. Will cont to pray abt it.
Proverbs 16:9"A man's heart plans his way, but the lord directs his steps."
Everyone around me seems so sianz of school. Dun noe Y but i m still alive. maybe not for long haha.
Was very sianz recently cuz i got a blast from the past. Somethings i tot i had forgotten and let go. But it juz came back suddenly. Maybe cuz i didn't really get any closure. it was juz like getting hit by a truck, after u r hit it speeds off b4 u can see its license plate. Yeah canoeing. Memories still haunt me so. haha. No lar its not the ppl or the incidents that affected me, it was juz how i handled the various situations. Maybe if i had shown my evil side, i would have been happier. Well life is full of maybes, hope i'll let it go. Afterall, my personal philosophy is that the past is only useful to learn from, after which its worthless to hold on to. And SAMUEL must be Samuel, the megalomaniacal egomaniacal psycho who rushes in Head On HAHAHAHHAHAHA.

aniwae, wrote this cuz was sianz. Needed sumting to life me up haha.tis one another one of those 15min compositions hahahaha. Hope i still gt the tempo.XD enjoy

Collecting Thanks
A Strange Hobby I have,
So weird It makes no sense.
Some people collect Stamps
Others collect cans.
I don't know why it is,
But I collect Thanks.

Everyday in the streets,
everyone looks dead beat.
Without a smile on their face,
Without any love in this place.
We all need a little grace,
We all need to be saved.

Upon a Rainy Day,
Share your brolly with a stranger.
Don't wait or you'll be sorry.
Don't think for there's no danger,
just be an angel and that is all
to brighten someone's face.

Walk each day through,
But don't turn a blind eye to
The many who need your help,
The many who need your smile.
A simple gesture would suffice,
And then you'll earn your first thanks.

The glow that you'll receive,
The warmth that comes from within.
With each Thanks you collect,
The more the feeling grows.
You can't stop at one,
The wonders never cease.

First Day of School

2007-01-08T18:02:00.001+08:00

Today, is the first day of school. I am still fighting hard for 1 more module. Was really sluggish today. Didn't really wanna go. Dun noe Y i so lazy. Also dun noe y I feel like so sianz. Like really drain. The lecturer was quite good and I rather enjoyed the lecture, interesting.
Anyway dun noe y iwrote tis, juz suddenly felt like it. Was in the MRT on way 2 sch when i felt like writing tis. Anyway sch starts will be busy so wun be writing much also.

Rag and Bone
Under the blistering Sun,
In the sweltering Heat,
One man pushes his trolley.
Beep,beep,beep,beep
Beep,beep,beep,beep
his horn he sounded repeatedly,
And then there was a split second of Silence.
All these before a thunderous voice filled the air.
“Karang Guni, Mai Po Chua”
As if in fear of no one hearing him, he repeats that unearthly cry.
After some time, a female voice responded
“Uncle I got some newspaper for you.”
A lady and her daughter stood at their doorway.
That man enters her home
Exiting with a pile of old newspaper.
Like a skilled swordsman he draws his balance in a flash.
“Orh, 2Kilo, 2 dollars.”
“Eeek, Uncle so smelly like rubbish bin”
“Girl, Don't be so rude. Say sorry. Sorry uncle, she knows no better.”
He smiled back at them and said,
“Bu Yong Jing Xiao Hai Zi Bu Dong Shi, girl so cute. Uncle going away. Byebye”
The little girl echoes his goodbye.
He loads the papers unto his trolley,
sheaths his balance and proceeded away.
Again with that unearthly cry,
Again with his sounding horn.
The blistering Sun with no mercy.
He reaches for his pocket.
This time for a hanky.
As he wipes the sweat of his brow,
The zephyr cools him so.

Sch Starting Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy

2007-01-05T12:28:00.000+08:00

The sch term is starting. Still desperate to adjust my sleep timing. I just lay awake each night on my bed and watch the seconds tick by. Sometimes when i really cant sleep, I will gaze out my window. The view is really picturesque. Really no kidding. From my room I can C woodlands Mrt with causeway pt at the background but the wonder is really in the foreground. The street lamps around woodlands ring by the empty fields divided only by the roads. Such a sight to behold you'll also stand and marvel. okok enough of that. I was bored So did this. Thx and Enjoy.

Sleepless in Singapore
Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...
I still can't get to sleep.
The seconds fleet away
like the sheeps that pass my way.
It's three already,
the sandman is so late.
Where is Zhou Gong too.
Why are they so tardy.

Sleepy, Sleepy, Sleepy
I am so fatigued.
I seek so much to sleep
and yet sleep avoids me.
Another long day tomorrow,
A long day I had today.
If I can't get rest, I will surely weep.

The memories of the day
They just flood my head.
The worries of tomorrow,
they just won't go away.
The pain of yesterday,
They just keep coming back.
Why am I so bothered,
no wonder I can't sleep.

I gazed out my window,
to cast away my burdens.
The empty streets,
The bedazzling street lights below,
The Tranquil Stars and
The romantic moon.
They sing a lullaby,
I gazed in wonder of their beauty.

Slowly but surely,
Time goes by even more slowly,
My lids grow heavier and heavier
As I marvel at the music of the night,
The melody the sights play,
the soothing rhythm of the night.
Goodnight my Dear Singapore.
May sweet dreams fill you tonight.

New Year New Year. Still the same but everything's different

2007-01-03T22:37:00.000+08:00

Has been quite a while since i last wrote. WARNING: THIS IS A LONG ONE.Well this one I got the idea while having my hair cut. I rembr the ad for Zhang yi mou's( Riding Alone for a Thousand Miles) on scv recently. Also rembr a book i read many moons ago (Losing Absalom) cant rembr author. Also heard many things from many frens abt problems with father and child. I too also have some problems with my old bean. He chided me on Xmas Eve and I cold shoulder him for that day. Juz A trivial matter. Big Misunderstanding.HAHA but everything can be resolved wan. After all, there is tis cheena proverb something about every father and son will have animosity but must learn to resolve their conflicts. Fathers love their children but its just that because of the traditional chinese upbringing, they are not good at expressing themself. I too am a result of this traditional upbringing wan that's y whose who serve with me NS noe how steady and cold and emotionless I can be. But Though not expressed, It doesn't mean they dun love us. Though Love not expressed is love not received, It doesn't mean there was no love. Okay A tribute to Dads. I know should have saved this for father's day but heck lar.

Tears of a Man
The tears of a man has the power to shake the world. With every teardrop he sheds, the worlds changes and cries along with him.

I stood by his coffin and gaze upon his lifeless statue of a body. The cold empty shell that remains when every other part of him has passed. How I regret never expressing my love for him while he was still alive. At least he is in a better place now and his soul is at rest in the bosom of the Lord. We loved this song both of us, both father and child. “Tears in Heaven”, by Eric Clapton. As I placed my mouth on the harmonica and blew it out, a single tear rolled inwards of my cheek along my nose and down my chin. Goodbye.

I have lived many years alone in my private studio apartment, living it large like any swinging bachelor. I have left my family behind and the last time I visited them was a good 5 years ago. Many things have happened that have made it impossible for us to live together under the same roof. Even an occasional visit demands too much from me. I can't even remember the last time I spoke to my dad.I do however do my part as a son and send money home every month. I mean at least I support my folks.

“Hello, ah boy ah. Hey it's ma. I know you are busy,”she sniffled. “But this is of grave importance. Your Dad is hopitalised and the doctors say that he only has 2 months tops. Please come he is still unconscious at SGH. Bye son. Love, Ma” These words were recorded in my answering machine and I heard it only after a hard long night out with friends. Still sloshed, I didn't make much of it til the morning. Even then, I hesitated.

I still remember all the pain this man had brought me. The times we argued, over things as trivial as watching TV. He was always unsatisfied with me and everything I do. All my life I had worked hard to prove myself to him. All my life he was never happy. He was always comparing me with everyone even my elder brother who died in NS. I was never good enough for him. I was always living in the silhouette of my brother. Maybe if I had died in his place, Dad would be much happier then.

I remember that day when I told him I was in love with a nice young lady. I brought her back for dinner only to have her chased away from home as my Dad was in one of his moods. He said she was a player and not serious about me. From then on, I moved away. It has been 7 years since that day and the pain lingers on. I have a good job and thus was able to survive on my own. Now he is sick and wants me to go visit. Ha, I'll go there alright. I'll go there and show him how much I have accomplished.

I went to the hospital a week after the message on my mailbox. After asking the nurse and locating his ward, I saw Ma alone. A frail old lady with tears streaming from her eyes. I know how devastated she was. After all, all this years has not been easy on her. She was the one always trying to keep the family together. The years have not been kind to her, but still she manages to maintain that gentleness that is about her. I still love you ma.

She is still far from a shadow of herself. Still the vivacious winsome charming lady she was, only stricken with sorrow. I reminiscent with her the days when our family was still bonded, the days before my Ah Kor died. Now don't get me wrong, though I always hated being compared with him, he has always been very dear to me. She told me that that man had a serious cardiac arrest and that his heart is failing fast. The doctor says that only a heart transplant would save his life, but its just that due to his blood type and the long donor list, they have to let him go and 2 months is all he has left. In my head I was gloating over his sickness. Happy that after all, I am successful and happy and he is reduced to a ghoul.

After comforting my Ma, she sent me in to see him. There he was, really reduced to a skeleton. His body had a thousand and one electrodes attached to his chest and his arms had tubes hanging from above attached. All I could hear in his ward were beeping sounds that resonated throughout the entire room. “Hey, look at me. See what I have become. I have risen above your expectations. I am better than you. Ha ha ha!” No reply came and all was still. Strangely that didn't quite give me the satisfaction I had hoped. I repeated what I had said. Ma didn't hear a word as she had went to get food. She would surely be devastated and I wouldn't want to hurt her. I just wanted to let this man experience the pain he put me through. Shortly after, I left him.

My mind is still filled with rage. So many years, so many incidences, this man finally got his just deserts. But, something is wrong, I just don't feel as happy. Maybe I just need a couple of drinks and smokes.

After 3 days, I went back to see my ma at the hospital. I couldn't care less for the old man inside. The days seem to be harsher and harsher on my ma and within a short 3 days span she has aged. Still she was able to smile when she sees me. I greeted her and we sat together for a while. As usual, we began talking about the past. She told me of how happy they were the day I was born. She said that that was one of the few times she saw my Dad tearing from his eye. Being a traditional Chinese Man, the one that has to be emotionless, his tears were more rare than shooting stars in Singapore. I hesitate to believe her. She assured me every word is true. Perhaps.

I went in again despite not wanting to. I saw him lying there so lifeless. His life sustained only by those machines. I wanted so much to hate this man but I just can't. How cruel it is to be unable to hate those you want to hate. The agony is just unbearable. Tears stream from my eyes. Why can't I hate you. Then I saw his eyes tearing as he held my newborn self. For a moment, I thought he was truly happy then, but no he has never been happy for me.

The next day, same thing. She told me of the many times i quarreled and fought with him, and how he always cries alone in the bathroom after which. I didn't know that. The icicle figure I had of him began to thaw, but I still refused to believe that. She continued about the times I performed with my harmonica. How he always teared whenever he heard me play “Tears in Heaven”. Enough. I ran away and went home then. How can it be that this same man this same stone figure can have emotions. I refused to believe it. I told my ma I had to go due to an urgent meeting at work.

I didn't visit until a week later. Seeing my ma waste away brings tears to my eyes. I always loved her, and if not for my father, I would never have left her. She was always the one who comforted me whenever father brought me down. This time, she told me of how devastated father was when Ah Kor died, he lost a great part of him. He loves the both of us. She told me that father has always loved me a lot. Father has placed a lot in me. His love for Kor,his dreams for Kor, his expectations for Kor, all these heplaced upon me. That was why he was so hard on me. She continued saying that all these years I was away, he never for a night stopped playing 'Tears in Heaven” on his harmonica. Even on the day of his heart attack, he still tried to play before the paramedics came,After all, it was the song we loved. It was this song he taught me that ignited my love for it.

I went in again to see him. His heart rate is getting worse and worse. Then suddenly, the beep was constant. The doctors and nurses rushed in. They gave him an injection and started shocking him. AH PA, I am sorry. I am so sorry. I am a wastrel. I am a horrible son. Don't die on me. Hear me say I love you. Don't leave me behind.

I couldn't take it anymore. I had to go. I couldn't just stay and watch my Ah Pa disappear. I told Ma that I am going home to get my harmonica. I want him to hear the song our family loved again. Ma was crying as she heard those words. The doctors were still trying to recover him when I left.

I have not played for so many years. I wonder if I still can. No, I must be able to play for him. This years I stop because of the pain, but now to end all pain, I have to once more play.

I ran across the road when suddenly I heard a constant beep and then no more pain.

Beep, beep, beep. It took a while to get used to the light and my eyes were still cloudy then. I saw her, my faithful darling of my heart. She is smiling, but tears flow from her bright jewels of her face.Though my vision is still weak, I could see that they were not tears of joy, she was in pain. I asked her and got the most heartbreaking response. Those words pried my heart out and tossed it to the dogs.

“Ah boy is dead.(sob) He wanted to play for(sniffle) you. When the doctors(choke) were trying to recover you.(gasp) He rushed to get his (sob)harmonica. A truck hit him(sob). It was instant. They took his heart for you.” No tears came from my eyes. No words I could say in response. I just felt nothing no more.

I went to his wake. A flower I placed upon his chest. As I looked in the coffin, I saw my son. My son died so I may live. All the times we fought, all the times we quarreled. I love him and I knowhe loves me. Son, I love you and always had and will. This second lost hurts more not because the white headed ones have sent the black headed ones again and he was my only son left. I just loved him more. How I wished I had expressed it better the years he was still alive. Words cannot express anything. I took out my harmonica and again I played the song we both love, and she sang along.

Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same if I saw you in heaven?
I must be strong and carry on
'Cause I know I don't belong here in heaven

Ok end of story. Hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing. Children love your fathers. Often Misunderstood,but still they Love you SO

X'mas Time Is Here, Yuletide greetings

2006-12-19T01:12:00.000+08:00

The Little Matchstick Girl

I woke up today feeling all strange. It was like every other morning I woke up into, but everything just seems so weird. Perhaps while I was sleeping, the world I knew just disappeared and I was absorbed into another. Well, only one way to tell, get out of bed and into the world.

It was really funny how people stared at me. Everyone seems so bizarre, I don't understand what they are all doing. They seem to be trying to tell me something, but I can't comprehend what they say or do. They make weird gestures and seem to be babbling something in some foreign tongue. Why can't we understand each other? What is strange, what is weird, can someone tell me how to differentiate what is normal and what is weird. Can anyone comprehend me, is there anyway we can reach an understanding? In all my frustration, I started acting out. I waved my arms in exasperation. The frantic movements of my body seem to draw some attention to some people. They look at me with eyes that shot daggers straight into my heart. I am not funny, I am not dysfunctional, we just don't understand each other. Stop looking at me this way, I screamed and shouted in protest.

As such, they restrained me and held me down, afraid that I might hurt myself or others around me. Funny thing, looking at their efforts to calm me seem to have a tranquilising effect. I relaxed and they let out a sigh of relief. After what seems like an eternity, they finally let me go.

Later in the afternoon, I was led up a bus and to another place I do not know. There seems to be a lot of wrinkly people in here and also most of them have these strange bags with tubes leading down and attached to their arms. However, I was not afraid though they seem so different from me. The people who came with me brought me to this elderly woman and sat me down by her. I attempted to speak my language to her in vain hope of having at least one other person who understands me. I gestured in huge motions. All my efforts were in vain, she did not speak my tongue. What she did was something I did not expect. She held my hand in hers and spoke softly with a kind expression. I thought the world does not understands me, but here she is speaking without words, in a tongue that provides me warmth. I smiled.

Another day, another dollar. My life is so mundane, nothing changes, nothing turns out for the better. The holiday season has a nagging effect of exaggerating the loneliness that I feel. All my friends are attached and my family only makes it worse. Going to my siblings' home, I feel that they are so blessed, they are lucky to have someone to support them and grow old with them. However, I only wish that they will shut it with their nagging about me finding a mate. Its not like I have not been trying, but with work from dawn to dusk, there is not really much time for me to find one. Sure, I've met a few nice girls every now and then, but they all turn out to have someone else in mind. Apparently, I am not sincere enough.

I wish I have someone to share this holidays with. The Christmas lightings seem to taunt me, as i see couples holding hands. Why is it such that everyone around has someone except me? I feel so miserable as I continued along the cold empty street. I knocked into an old lady and sent her flying, her groceries scattered around the precinct. I rushed on ahead and helped her up before picking up her stuff. She seems to be quite shaken by the fall and could no longer walk without any support. Just my luck, I seem to jinx everyone around me.

After bringing her to a doctor, I decided to bring her home. Turns out, she stays in a home for the elderly. I aided the nurse in bringing her back to her room. After seating her upon her bed, I proceeded to leave by the door. She grabbed my hand and urged me to stay. I took a seat by her. She told me of how I reminded her of her husband when he was much younger. I asked about him and she cried. He left her a year back due to a heart disease. I comforted her and she was still after some time. Strange, that I am just like her, we are people who have loved and lost. The words I used to comfort her seem so appropriate to myself. Her tears dried shortly and she fell asleep.
I started to see why I am still alone after so many years, outwardly, I seem to want someone, but actually I too have shut myself in and not allowed myself to love. I left the home feeling a warmth I have never felt before.

A year has past since he slipped away. He left so much memories and so much pain behind. I really wished I could be with him, but how cruel fate is to leave me behind with no drop of poison in his lips to kill me by. Life feels so empty now that he is gone.

The nurse tells me that they are bringing some developmentally challenged children to visit. They hope that the children would bring life to this dying place. Well, it would be a different sight. After all, there is nothing here but elderly folks like myself having lost all hope and are just waiting for the reaper to come. How ironic that with every drip on our IV, our life drips away too.

A bus load of children just arrived. They brought this child to seat by my table, it has been ages since I last had company. Of cause there was this nice young man who brought me back yesterday after my nasty fall. He told me so much comforting words that seem so right, but I just cant put my old man away. Its so easy to say but difficult to do, I can't open my heart just yet. The pain lingers on.

This child that was seated by my table seems so disoriented. He seems unable to focus on anything. Through loud grunts and frantic arm movement he tries to communicate with me, but I just don't understand him. I looked through his eyes and saw that he is desperately trying to get someone to understand him. I empathised with him, for I too am hoping for someone to understand my pain and sorrow. Tears streamed down my eyes as I took his hand in mine and said I love him.

http://hca.gilead.org.il/li_match.html

It's xmas again, and like the most cliche thing to write, write one of christmas. HAHAAHA
This short is inspired by The Little Matchseller by Hans Christian Andersen. The story goes that the little matchseller used her matches to provide her with the moments of warmth and happiness as she was freezing in the blizzard. In Da Same Way, in our lifes, we all seem so sianz and also like so sad. Many times like, no meaning like tat. But then ar, if we learn from tis little match-seller, we can be the matches for other ppl. Warming their lifes and in da process, warming our own too. Enjoy

End of Exams

2006-12-05T21:38:00.000+08:00

Wahahaha, the exams hae ended at least for me. Well actually mine ended yesterday. Holi,Holi,Holidays are here again and they are here to stay.LALALA...Well, though it means no stress, it also means that I am the family Chauffeur again. Haiz, not that i don't enjoy driving, i just can't stand the morning drive. Firstly, it means i m the only person who wakes at 8 during the holidays. Secondly, i can't stand those Malaysian motorcyclist. I'm not making any stereotypical prejudicial statement. It's just that today they almost cause me to be in 2 accidents, both due to their craziness and recklessness. I know sum ppl here will say that cuz i p plate, it should be my fault, but hear me out. First guy drove at my blind spot beside my car. I needed to change lane, so i signaled, looked at my blind spot. I noticed him, so i increased my speed by 10 km/h that means i m quite fast liao. When i notice him 1 car length behind me i started to filter lane, wah lau then he pia stun. He chased my car and almost crashed into me when i changing lane. Hey if u dun wan me to speed up to change lane at lane 1 of expressway, at least dun suicide leh. 2nd guy, normal road, force me jam brake. Lucky i going slowly. He suddenly kena chu stun wan. Going normally behind me on my left , then suddenly speed up cut me in front wah if i nvr brake in time, he dun noe fly how far liao. P plate drivers, be warned if u c the motorcycle no. plate start with J, Open your eyes bigger than dinner plates. Will be praying for u motorcyclist, take care HAHAHA.

Ok back to what this blog is for. Well, since i ended exams yesterday, i decided to bring my dog down for a walk. He is a Fox Terrier. Its been a week since i walked him, and he is getting crazy. Well, dun wan him to be a bird in a gilded cage, so let him exp some restricted freedom,hehe. need leash la Sg. Well, saw sumting interesting, i saw this couple dancing da waltz at da badminton court, so i wrote sumting.XD Well, da couple, dis is for u. May u grow old together.

Wrote sumting regarding dog also, i trying my old skill in sec school, not sure effective or not hopefully it works.

The Waltz
I took Your hand in mine
And placed the other on my hip
You looked into my eyes
And sang that lovely beat.
The Song that lasted forever,
The Waltz that lasted a lifetime,
That my dear is what we are together.

I led you with my hand,
You led me with your smile.
Full of Grace, elegance and Beauty
Full of laughter, love and Joy
This is our waltz together,
This is our love forever,
My dear I love you so.

You stumbled on my feet,
I stepped upon your toes.
This Waltz is not without its flaws.
The Times I let you down,
The Times I was not there for you,
And still you danced with me.
Our Flaws make us perfect for each other.

The lights dim down slowly,
The music fades to nothingness,
Still in my arms I hold you,
Still in your embrace I am.
I wonder will I hold you forever?
Will we grow old together?
Nothing will keep us asunder.

The dance must come to an end
Though I wish it will last forever.
I led you with my hand,
You led me with your smile.
This waltz we have together,
I know it will last forever,
But may I have the next dance with you too.

Walking the Dog
I lead him by the front,
He tries to get ahead.
Thus, I pick up my pace,
to let him know his status.
I wonder about excitedly,
while he follows behind with ennui.
He holds his head up high,
while I keep mine close to the ground.
I race up the hill, he races together with me.
We ran and we ran,
then we pant and we pant.
Breathless, we stuck out our tongues.
How do I let him know I love his company,
How do I let him know I adore him.
Those magnificently brilliant eyes,
Those jewels that brighten the night sky,
They force me to stare into his gaze.
Then it dawned upon me how to express my affection.
I licked him, and he petted me.

Finally It Begins

2006-12-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

Well, this is the first official post after the intro post. Have written something "Living in Limbo". Ya i noe super cliche title, but then give me some face leh, i dun noe how many yrs havn't written story liao. Rusty. Actually i wrote tis short yest, but then dun noe whether gd enuff, so i let my fren vet first. Haiz Toml still got test, not 11pm i still not asleep, 4am gotta wake up see Dad off to airport, then 1pm test. Hope i dun doze off driving or during testHAHA. Well, with this first short outta da way, can work on next short liao. This wan is a experimental style, so i didn't really put much effort into it, so if its not gd, well tell me howda improve. those w my MSN juz msg me whether u like it or not haha. Those who dun, dun bother lol. So exp style, rusty me and dun noe wat other excuse say dun put me down, give me constructive comments HAHA.XD
Me kawan gave me some criticism on tis short, but i dun wanna edit it, LAZY. juz like i also lazy put too much effort into it, like i said tis wan exp onli. So w/o further stalling,<>

lim·bo1 /ˈlɪmboʊ/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[lim-boh]–noun, plural -bos.2. a place or state of oblivion to which persons or things are regarded as being relegated when cast aside, forgotten, past, or out of date: My youthful hopes are in the limbo of lost dreams. 3. an intermediate, transitional, or midway state or place. 4. a place or state of imprisonment or confinement.
lim·bo2 (lmb) n. pl. lim·bos a dance from the West Indies, originally for men only, in which the dancer bends backward from the knees and moves with a shuffling step under a horizontal bar that is lowered after each successive pass.

Living in Limbo
"Woo Hoo, Ord loh!""Wah lau, hard to believe that 2 yrs plus gone just like that""Ya la, finally can get a life that dun need to worry about booking in.""Hey, what are you all going to do before U huh?" "Ai ya, work lor, if not stay at home grow mushroom meh,kaoz.""Kk, need to go liao, see you all on campus k."

This is our story, 3 friends with 3 different roads bound by the same uniform and now the same college. We all seem to be unified in all these, but it is also by these that we live different lives. This is the next step, the first milestone. What will we be in just half a year? What have we gained? 3 different roads, 1 common goal. In our pursue of life, we make our own choices.

Kenny's Blog
Wah, 1 more month to college, still have to work for 3 weeks.So sian, wonder how the rest are doing. Almost late for work again, I think if I am late again, the Boss sure deduct my pay wan. I am really tired of working. It is the same mundane task over and over again, well what can i expect from working on a part-time basis. Come to think about it, I really miss my NS days. Even though, it was really boring then, when I think back on it, there were plenty of thrilling moments. Haiz, 3 more weeks to go.

Woo! First week in NUS, wah my OG super havoc sia. Super seow onz wan. Gonna Go clubbing with OG this weekend. Sure have a good time wan, hope i meet some hot babes sia. LOL

Midterm break just over, wooo still hungover from last night. wah really dun need to choose my poison sia. Got Chivas, baileys, u name it we got the poison. Gr8 Party. Dance til now whole body aches. Dunnoe grind how many ppl sia. Super happening.This term break i really almost every other day go chiong. haiz, lucky got ppl sponsor, otherwise money dun noe grow from where.Now sianz must back to study, maybe got 1 more bash coming soon. That gal, super hot wan,B'day coming, she'd probably organise one wan la, her father so rich. Gonna paint the town red sia. HAHa

Wah so fast,1 sem up liao. Lucky, i got prepare enuff for my papers. Well Gonna meet the guyz for gathering soon. Wonder how they holding up, esp that seow kia, kena rejected dun noe what happen to him sia.

Not in Blog
Actually, what am I doing? Everytime go party, though i feel estatic at those moments, I am actually very lonely. People see me as the Main man, the happening guy, but deep down I just wanna be me.

George's Blog
After working for 2 mths, finally got enuff cash to go travel. Decided to go to somewhere far away. Sg so sianz, everything here also done before liao. Was thinking maybe some nice place in europe, Tuscanny, Prague, Budapest. But then huh, think again, money no enuff. If go this places, dun need to buy comp in Uni liaoz. Well, so kiam siap me choose somewhere not so far, go backpack in Laos.

Well, first week in NuS, the O week quite ok only la. My OG was quite nice but then huh a little buay on so don't dare to try anything. I hear Kenny's enjoying his OG sia. Tat guy summore gonna chiong with them sia. Well, hope he enjoy himself sia. Actually, my og not tat bad, at least we got common interest. Even the gals here also WOW and Dota wan. We starting a OG clan, LOL. Got our own forum and all liao.

Wah Lau, uber shiok sia, Spent the entire weekend chionging WOW and Dota. Got my nightelf level up so shiok. We completed dun noe how many quest together liao. Summore Dota with them also quite shiok, no noobs all quite pro wan. Not like playing some stupid pubbie server, ta pai so many noobs, leavers and the likes wan. Well, haiz mid term over liao must mug again. NVM this weekend we burn again.HAHAHA

Tempus Fugit, 1 sem fin liao, haiz sian sia, cuz of final term papers, mug until no time to play WOW or DOTA. Really wanna pwn ppl sia needa have Momomo..Monster kill. Must own. But bo bian exams, so must mug. Meeting the guys for gathering, they should be adapting quite fine wan, esp tat Kenny uber chiongster now sia.

Not In Blog
Everyday not WOW then is DOTA, when i dun play tis games, i feel so bored, why is this so?

Luther's Blog
Wah Work for 2 months liao still so pathetic my bank account. Wanna lax the next 3 weeks also cannot. Haiz too bad need money cant help it. I not like tat George, so shiok save enough to go travel. Super sian la working, everyday locked up face computer data entry. Haiz, wonder how i gonna last for another 3 weeks sia, 2 mths i dying liao.Really looking forward to school, cant stand this transition period.

O week Juz over. wah shiok manz. Nvr been so crazy b4. Met this really nice and cute gal in O week. Love tat smile, those eyes. The rest of the OG also super onz. O week super fun sia. Well, gonna ask her out. Hope it goes well.

Haiz so sian. Again, she told me busy, cant go out. Haiz, maybe i should give up sia, so meaningless. Dunnoe y everytime i fail wan leh. Joined another sports club last week, Handball. Super exciting sia, the game so fast u kena injure also dunnoe wan. Got bruises everywhere, the ppl tackle like worst than rugby sia. With track and ultimate freesby, that makes 3 sports. Hope this can remove the pain, take up so much time. Haiz, term break over, hopefully mugging removes the pain.

Time flies, its been a sem in NUS. Heart still aches for her, dying for her accpetance but it can no longer be. Well, exams coming. So hard to study, but at least it takes away the fantasies. Meeting those guys end of this mth. Tink they r doing better than me. 1 clubber, 1 everyday play comp games,haiz.

Not in Blog
What happen to me sia? I was a happy person back then. Why am I tearing myself apart? Now even those 2 sad case lead a happier life than me.

The Gathering
Its been 8 months since we met, 8 long months enough to change a boy into a man. We all took different routes, each seeking our happiness and our fate. Time passes us like the wind, never returning, never waiting.
"Hey Kenny, Long time no see, tot u Mati,HAHAHA"
"Wah Lau george, Grow up lar, so lame can hardly walk liao.""Hey Luther, wat up sia. Smile leh, kaoz u look like kena bang by car sia."
"Wah lau how can u say tis, ppl heartbroken leh. Give some sympathy, u tink everyone like u so seow everyday chiong."
"Wah dun like tat say me leh, u yourself also everyday DOTA, buay sian meh."
"Haiz anyway nice to meet u guys too, been so long. Dun noe where the time flies to. So lonely sia."
"Wah dun talk like tat leh, u so many sports will lonely meh, dun because of 1 tree give up the whole forest, 1 cloud the whole sky, 1 porkfloss bun the whole breadtalk..."
"Wah Lau, your analogy even more lame, u say me lame, kaoz."

And so it goes on into the night, they continued chewing the fat. Only through reminiscence of their days in the army do they lighten up. The past that they were so bitter over, how can it be the only one which brings them joy. The present which they were so looking forward to, how can it be that it brings so much emptiness. The future which is unknown, only time will tell.

Find meaning in your life on things that last forever, things that thieves cannot steal and moths cannot destroy. Build your treasure up in Heaven. God Loves You and wants you to lead a fruitful life. Be Happy, you can do all things through God who strengthens You. All the best and God Bless.

First Blog

2006-11-26T15:08:00.000+08:00

Well, this is my first blog. Personally, i don't know y i m blogging cuz i used to think that a guy that blogs is 'queer'. Also, i thought of it as a highly egocentric activity. But Juz wanna use this as a method to encourage ppl around me and also to air some writings.
When i was in sec sch, i love to write. Although most of the compositions were nothing special, but i juz loved to do it. Now, i still have tis passion for writing so i tot it would be better to like start airing it somewhere.
I still think that a blog is very impersonal and also egocentric. But then hey, i don't care.
Well, things that would be appearing here-short compositions;bad poems or bad short stories, stuff about my development with my sax life(haha ya SAX life no typo here), development in relationship with God, personal views and also wat happens in my life.